Saturday, November 20, 2010

I Just Don't Understand

So much for posting every day during this month.  For a week now I have been trying to write another post, but it keeps coming out too angry so I haven't posted any of them. 

I really just don't understand how the necessity of adoption reform is not obvious to everyone.  It all just seems like it should be so simple.  How hard can it be to understand that adoption begins with loss?  That the simple fact is that in order for somebody to adopt a baby, someone else has to lose a baby, and that baby loses his/her natural, God-given family.  In order for a family to grow through adoption, another has to lose.

How can anybody that has experienced a miscarriage or the death of an infant at birth, not understand the grief that a mother experiences when losing a child to adoption?  How can you knowingly put that kind of loss on someone else? 

How is it ok for one family to live with the sorrow of losing a child in order for another family to have a child to raise because they are unable to conceive?

Why is it that it's ok to spend tax-payer dollars on adoption tax credits, adoption industry funding, etc. ~ but it's not ok to spend tax-payer dollars keeping a family intact?  Why is it ok to give money to people that can afford adoption, but not ok to give money to people that can't afford to raise their child?  You are still spending the money, either way.  Except with adoption funding, you are paying to help tear families apart.

Why can't people see that for a mother to choose to give her child up for adoption, she has to see herself as "less than" first.  Less than the adoptive parents.  Less than good enough.  Less than able.  Less than.

Why can't people see that an adoption agency is a business?  That business is about supply and demand.  That if the demand is high, everything possible is done by a business to ensure the necessary supply.  Because isn't that why most people are in business?  To make money.  To hopefully see an increase in revenue every year?  To give their executives and employees an increase in pay every year?  That in order to keep the supply high enough, to keep their income revenues high enough, coercive practices are necessary in adoption? 

It should all be so simple. 

*This post is only about the loss for the natural mothers.  The loss is also felt by the fathers, grandparents, siblings, the entire natural family.  

**The greatest losses are incurred by the adopted themselves.  The adoptees are the ones who never have a voice.  Life changing decisions are made for them.  I started to post some of the losses faced by adoptees, but as I am not adopted, I don't feel that I am qualified to speak for them. 


  1. Hi, Susie! Thank you for stopping by my blog and for the comment. I have been trying to catch up on your blog. I love your writing and I appreciate your honesty.

  2. Suzie I feel like you and I are on the same flight plan, you're just six months ahead of me. Christopher was born in 1979 and my daughter in January of 1980. My reunion occured in August of 2009 i started blogging six months after you. And I didn't come out of the fog until reunion.
    You are an awesome writer and I love your message.
    I just called a TV reporter in Chicago, Bob Sirot, asking him to report on the loss a mother goes through during this November. He has never responded before but maybe I'll wear him down. I call every couple of weeks with a story idea.

  3. We do have a lot in common Barbara ~ I wish we didn't have those things in our life though!

    You are MUCH braver than I am ~ good luck with your TV guy, I hope he responds.