For the first time since becoming a mother, I can say that I had a great Mother's Day!
Much has been going on in my life, much I want to share with all of you, yet I haven't been able to bring myself to write about it all.
The last visit we had from Christopher seems to have broken the silence. I have realized that I am reading much more into that silence than what was really there. As usual...
I was going to be over in Christopher's neck of the woods last weekend, but he was busy so we couldn't make a visit work.
So. I got brave. Writing the message was easy. Finding the courage to hit the "reply" button was hard ~ my finger hovered over the mouse for several minutes. Christopher's mom lives just minutes away from where I was going to be. She replied that it was going to be a busy weekend ~ but she would make it work as she wanted to meet me too!
I was surprisingly not nervous as the day arrived. I was just so excited to meet her. She had an event to attend in the morning/lunchtime, so I went shopping in a quaint old-town area of the city while waiting for her phone call. When she called to say she would be able to meet in 20 minutes, the nerves kicked in!
We met at a TCBY at 2:15. All nerves were gone the minute I saw her and she walked towards me with open arms. Our hug seemed to last forever. I felt as though I was channeling all the love that those arms had shown Christopher over the years ~ all the love that I was unable to show to him, but she was able to. All the worries that I had while driving there were for nothing. She was completely open, honest, and loving with me. We talked for hours. About Christopher of course, but also about both of our families growing up, our other children and grandchildren, so much more. She gave me a beautiful gift and card for Mother's Day, with a loving note. I had gotten her a necklace that symbolized the bond I have always felt with her ~ even while I didn't know her. I always felt a bond with her, that we were brought together through the love of a child. I think the necklace found me actually, it is a perfect symbol of that bond. I got one for each of us, wore it that day and almost every day since. I knew that we had been talking for a long time, we both seemed to try to wrap things up at the same time. I was so surprised to see that it was 6:05 when I got into my car. Almost four hours had passed! Driving away from meeting her, I felt such complete peace, love, and happiness.
I texted Christopher afterwards and told him that his mom was wonderful. We had a few texts back and forth, he was very relieved that it went so well. He said that he was more nervous than both of us had been!
Just three days later was Christopher's birthday. Due to the anticipation of meeting his mom the birthday blues hadn't kicked in as they have every year since he was born. It was so wonderful to be able to talk to him on his birthday. The birthday blues did kick in a bit that day, along with some decompressing from meeting his mom. But overall it was a wonderful day, the feeling of peace was back the next day when I received a lovely thank you card and note from his mom.
I don't know what I ever did to deserve all the blessings I have had in my life. Getting to know Christopher's mom, her loving acceptance of me into their lives, is more than I ever thought possible.
This is the first year since Christopher's birth that I have not fallen into a funk for the weeks before and after.
This is the first Mother's Day since Christopher's birth that I have truly been happy to celebrate being a mother on this day. I had a fabulous day that included playing in the sun and dirt (finally getting some flowers planted) with three of my granddaughters help, then dinner with all three of my (raised) kids, the grandkids and my mother and father-in-law. My daughter even cleaned up the mess from dinner. To top off the day, Christopher sent me a "happy mother's day" message ~ the first one since being reunited! Once everyone was gone, I sat outside and just breathed it all in.
I am one very thankful and lucky mom!