Monday, November 25, 2013

Adoption Loss - It should be so simple...

I

Just

Don't

Get

It...


It should be so simple...

Why can't people SEE and UNDERSTAND the foundation of adoption?

Yes, when it's necessary adoption can be a wonderful thing.

BUT...

It's built upon great loss and tragedy.  Necessary due to abuse of any sort?  That's still a tragedy.  Necessary due to finances?  Necessary due to the mother being made to feel she's not good enough for some temporary reason?  That's even more tragic. 

Did you read that?  Adoption is built upon a foundation of great loss and tragedy.  Adoption cannot happen without a family facing unimaginable loss and trauma that lasts a lifetime. 

The beauty of adoption doesn't take away the ugly of relinquishment. 

The story of adoption should be:
   Yes ~ it's tragic what happened.  Thank God that a family was found for this child who has already suffered such great loss.  Thank God for this family who understands the great loss involved and will honor all that goes along with that loss. 

Adoption is supposed to be about finding a family for a child who needs one.

But that's not how the story goes...

Adoption has become nothing more than finding a child for a family who needs wants one. 

Oh ~ and the unregulated $13 Billion/year industry that is at the heart of it all.

Then we have the cries "But what about the infertiles?"  "They have so much love to give"  "They suffer such grief from their empty arms".

What about them indeed.  I have great sympathy and empathy for women who are unable to conceive or carry a baby to term.  I really do ~ I cannot begin to imagine the depth of that loss.

I just don't get why it's ok for the mother of adoption loss to live with that life-long deep grief and loss but it's not ok for an infertile woman to live with it...

I

Just

Don't

Get

It...



Friday, November 1, 2013

National Adoption Awareness Month - Day 1


Today is the first day of National Adoption Awareness Month.  I am going to try to post often during this NAAM ~ focusing on adoptees since that's what adoption is supposed to be about!

This month was created to bring awareness to the children who are available for adoption through foster care.  However, the adoption industry has high-jacked it to be a month long advertisement for their multi-Billion $$ per year industry. 

Adoption in the case of getting kids out of foster care is a wonderful thing ~ every child deserves to be raised in a loving and caring family. 

Adoption in the case of domestic infant adoption is completely different from foster care adoption. 

Adoption ~ even when an absolute necessity such as a mother and father having no desire to raise their child, or if abuse is a part of their lives ~ adoption is built upon loss.  Even if the adoption is a storybook example, that doesn't take away the fact that the infant had to lose everything in order to be adopted. 

The message of awareness that I would like to get across is that adoption should be a last resort.  Adoption is supposed to be about providing a loving home to a child who NEEDS one.  It should never be about providing a child to a home that WANTS one. 

Adoption today is different ~ they say.  Yes, it is different.  We can no longer say that adoption is only sunshine and rainbows for all involved.  There are too many people telling their stories, too many studies easily available.  It is  known now the life-long effects of adoption on those adopted, the natural mothers, as well as the adoptive parents.  It is time that people in the general public became aware of the reality of adoption and quit allowing the adoption industry to sell it's lies. 

Adoption today is built upon a foundation of loss and lies.  Even in an era of open adoption adoptees are still denied the truth of their own birth.  Only a few states allow all adoptees to receive a factual copy of their birth information.  What a crime that is! 

Speaking of lies in adoption, for this first day of National Adoption Awareness Month 2013, I'm going to share a request from an adult adoptee:

Dear Friends,
I am working on a slide show and power point presentation on the history of lies and corruption in adoption. one of the sections includes lies surrounding our adoptions. I would like to show the photo of the person along with 3 or 4 sentences describing the lies, corruption, or deceit.

Please consider participating in this by private messaging me your story along with any photo you are comfortable sharing. This will be presented by me in November at a conference on adoption with the primary audience comprised of a-parents and social workers. I want to sock people in the gut with this seminar.

Also, please spread the word. I would like tons of these experiences to pick through; especially lies propagated through agencies and case-workers.

Thanks,
Jeff Hancock
 You can share your lies with Jeff through his facebook page.  If you aren't fb friends with Jeff, send them to me and I will forward them to him ~ either message me through my facebook page or email them to me at findingchristopher at gmail.  Jeff is looking for photos/messages from adoptees as well as natural moms & dads. 

Here is what I'm sending to Jeff:


I was told that I wasn't allowed to see or hold my son when he was born.  Yet I was allowed a one hour visit with him when he was three weeks old ~ doing my best to be a "good birthmother" so I didn't even consider easing my heartbreak and raising him myself.  I was also told that I would be breaking the law if I EVER searched for him. Thank goodness I didn't care if it was true or not and signed up on some reunion registries online making it possible for my son to find me!  After almost 30 years I was finally able to learn that he was indeed alive ~ as well as healthy and happy.