tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69532398164725969842024-03-14T04:39:31.229-05:00Finding Christopher, Finding MyselfA blog about adoption loss, reunion, and everything in between.Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.comBlogger186125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-81202471203501151162017-10-13T22:41:00.000-05:002017-10-13T22:41:47.594-05:00Another Milestone ~ 8 years and 8 months in the making!Another milestone in my reunion with my firstborn happened last weekend. (It only took 8 years and 8 months!)<br />
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For the first time ever, all of my children AND (almost) all of my grandchildren were together! It was the first time Christopher's two children met their aunt, uncles, and cousins. <br />
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It was an amazing weekend, to say the least. I am so thankful that all three of my raised children fully accept Christopher and his family into our lives. And equally thankful that Christopher, his wife and children fully accept us into theirs. There is no greater joy for me than to see the kids (grown and littles) all laughing and talking and enjoying each others company. I am so very, very blessed. <br />
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The weekend also brought an answer to a question I've wondered often since reuniting with my son and getting to know his children (10 yr old son and 8 yr old daughter). I didn't know if they had ever wondered or been told exactly how I was "Grandma" to them. I got that answer as we were walking from one <a href="http://www.omahazoo.com/" target="_blank">zoo exhibit</a> to another, when his daughter and I were lagging behind the others and talking. She got quiet for a few seconds, looking at me, then asks "Why did you have daddy when you were just a teenager?". <br />
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<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>After
I came out of shock I think I said "Well", with a long pause, then "That's just what happened." I was not prepared AT ALL for that!! Thankfully some of
the other kids ran up at that moment and the subject was changed. </span></span></span></span></span></span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span>Later
in the day, it was just us again, getting popcorn in a busy concession stand line when she brought it up again. She asked why I couldn't be his mom because I was a teenager. I told her it was for
lots of reasons that she wouldn't understand and that it was very hard and sad but I
was so very happy that Grandma </span></span><span><span><span>Pam and
Grandpa Tom could be his parents for me. She said "Yeah, but you were his very
first mommy." Somehow I could still talk after that and said "Yes, I was, and isn't it wonderful that dad has both of
his moms now?" She got a huge smile on her face and exclaimed a loud "Yes!" just as it was our turn to order.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TAQDNMLBinI/WeGCdQn4TvI/AAAAAAAAAgs/Grh52S2PESs9qZroOYYDcsict8k9Blu6wCLcBGAs/s1600/22228236_10210151847654488_8023571655106796259_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="300" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TAQDNMLBinI/WeGCdQn4TvI/AAAAAAAAAgs/Grh52S2PESs9qZroOYYDcsict8k9Blu6wCLcBGAs/s400/22228236_10210151847654488_8023571655106796259_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandkids watching the penguins. I so loved watching them all be together! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span>By late afternoon the kids were all ready to leave the zoo and head to our hotel to swim and order pizza in for dinner. We took over almost the entire pool and then reception/breakfast area at the hotel ~ we were 8 adults and 9 children from 7 months - 15 years old. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WngkqAdTKQI/WeGECnm1F4I/AAAAAAAAAhA/_Mdk7JyWKzIo6O1xoIfIFDyhfuUlMiV6ACLcBGAs/s1600/22308861_10210151858734765_5293146355867663313_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WngkqAdTKQI/WeGECnm1F4I/AAAAAAAAAhA/_Mdk7JyWKzIo6O1xoIfIFDyhfuUlMiV6ACLcBGAs/s320/22308861_10210151858734765_5293146355867663313_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All My Sons (plus one wife!)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span>Christopher's kids seemed a bit overwhelmed with all their cousins, aunt, and uncles ~ trying to remember names, but at the same time also seemed very comfortable with all of them, like we had always been a part of each others lives. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_OtF3N3GvhQ/WeGDEtnTNcI/AAAAAAAAAg0/YdECMslWdskuwi_fMcGkJV0c6vOiJSagQCLcBGAs/s1600/22228175_10210151876815217_8342426861331573438_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_OtF3N3GvhQ/WeGDEtnTNcI/AAAAAAAAAg0/YdECMslWdskuwi_fMcGkJV0c6vOiJSagQCLcBGAs/s200/22228175_10210151876815217_8342426861331573438_n.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My firstborn son with my latest born granddaughter!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span> Discussion has already been started on where our next get-together will be. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody _1n4g"><span><span><span>Life is Good!</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-2467171327296224472016-11-14T22:43:00.000-06:002016-11-14T22:43:12.887-06:00(Birth) Moms ~ Search for Your (adult) Child!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ln0BnvREdKs/WCqJv4UGU4I/AAAAAAAAAfk/yEhtecAb1wQx3qlAwDLRD3hZkoYRU5HQQCLcB/s1600/15078643_706153229534264_8156178970239578643_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ln0BnvREdKs/WCqJv4UGU4I/AAAAAAAAAfk/yEhtecAb1wQx3qlAwDLRD3hZkoYRU5HQQCLcB/s320/15078643_706153229534264_8156178970239578643_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms",sans-serif;"><i>from: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/WildWomanSisterhood/" target="_blank">Wild Women Sisterhood</a></i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption">FULL MOON PRAYER by Rumi</span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"> </span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"> What in your life is Calling you,</span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"> When all the noise is silenced,</span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"> The meetings adjourned..</span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> The lists laid aside,</span></span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> And the Wild Iris blooms</span></span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> By itself</span></span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> In the dark forest...</span></span></span><br /><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> What still pulls on your Soul?</span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"></span></span></span></blockquote>
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></span></span><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Are you a mother who lost a child to adoption? </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Does your (now adult) child call out to your soul? </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Are you too afraid to answer that call? <i> </i></span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"><i>Please</i>, PLEASE, do not give in to that fear. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Yes, it is hard to face the loss and grief that has been buried for so very long. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Yes, it is frightening to let the world know that which you were told to never speak of again. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">But. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">But... </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">It is so very worth it! </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Your world may fall apart ~ only to find it's way back together again ~ this time whole. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">This time with no secrets. This time with answers. No more wondering, worrying. No more fear.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">For it's true,</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">The truth shall set you free. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">And.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">And...</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Your child deserves to know their answers. Just as you do.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Deserves to see your face ~ if only once. Just as you do to see theirs.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Most states do not give adoptees their birth information. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">No ~ the adoption agency lied. They are not given their information when they turn 18. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">No ~ the adoption agency lied. You will not be breaking the law by looking for them.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Do you feel the pull of your soul?</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Do you yearn to know if your child is still alive? Happy? Healthy?</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Then search. </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">If you can't search, make yourself "findable".</span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Register with <a href="http://www.isrr.org/Register.html" target="_blank">ISSR</a></span></span></span><br />
<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show">Register on <a href="http://registry.adoption.com/" target="_blank">adoption.com</a></span></span></span><br />Register with the adoption agency that facilitated your adoption. <br />
Google your state, country, province and "adoption records", "reunion registry" to see your local laws and resources available.<br />
<br />
Then go find healing, here are some ways to start: <br />
Find other natural/first/birth moms online or in area support groups. <br />
<a href="http://www.cubirthparents.org/" target="_blank">Concerned United Birthparents</a><br />
<a href="http://www.cubirthparents.org/book_list.php" target="_blank">Read some books </a><br />
<a href="http://www.adopteeson.com/" target="_blank">Listen to some adoptee stories</a><br />
<a href="http://www.thelostdaughters.com/" target="_blank">Read some adoptee writings</a><br />
<a href="http://www.thelostdaughters.com/p/books-we-love.html" target="_blank">Read some more books</a><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Open your heart</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Listen to the cries of your soul</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Search</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Leave A Trail ~ Be Found</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Breathe</i></div>
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<span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> </span></span></span>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-4453296120319025602016-04-12T21:32:00.000-05:002016-04-12T21:32:29.213-05:00If I Knew Then...More thoughts from the American Adoption Congress Conference:<br />
<br />
After I had agreed with Suz to participate in her "Mitigating and Managing Collateral Damage: Impact of Adoption on the 1st Family" presentation, I thought of many examples of the collateral damage in my life. When it came to the "managing and mitigating" part, the only thing I could come up with was to not lose a child to adoption in the first place. I know that it's not a perfect world though, so adoption is going to be a choice made by some moms. I was still at a loss for answers though and counted on Suz and Kathy to have some for that part of the talk. <br />
<br />
The night before our presentation, I was asked if I would have made the "choice" for adoption if I had known then what I know now. <br />
<br />
That one kind of threw me. <br />
<br />
Because, to be totally honest, that answer would probably be yes. <br />
<br />
Given the exact same circumstances, that answer would be yes.<br />
<br />
I was adamant that my child would not grow up in the life I was living. I grew up in a house of anger and hate. Oh, there were some good times, yes. Holidays were usually wonderful, spent with grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles and cousins who made life fun. The day to day mess of life though? Not so pretty...<br />
<br />
Even if I had been told of the life-long and deep reaching effects that adoption could bring to my life, I'm sure I would have still signed those papers. For it wasn't my life I was choosing adoption for, it was my unborn child's life I felt I was saving.<br />
<br />
I, of course, at that time had no idea of the possible effects of adoption on my son. Even though there were plenty of studies and papers written about the effects of adoption on the adoptee, that was not information shared with the general public, much less mothers considering adoption for their unborn children! <br />
<br />
That was a hard question to think about. If I had known then all the effects adoption could possibly have on my child, would I have still "chosen" it? <br />
<br />
I hate to say it, but given the exact same circumstances, that answer would probably have still been yes. <br />
<br />
Because I was SO sure that I was saving my son from myself, from my life in a house of hate. <br />
<br />
Add those fears for my son to the strong societal views of the times towards single, young moms and I most certainly would still have believed him better off without me. <br />
<br />
15 year old me, with no honest counseling, no parental guidance, going through this experience basically on her own, would have had no way of believing anything different. I would probably have believed that the "price" he might possibly pay for being adopted would have been far less than the price he would have had to pay with me being his mom. <br />
<br />
I probably would have just prayed all the harder for him. In addition to praying that he got great parents, praying that he was healthy and happy, I would have prayed for him to have none of the issues that adoption could bring to him. <br />
<br />
So yes. My answer to "If I Knew Then..." would have been yes.<br />
<br />
However...<br />
That insight gave me some of the answers that had been illusive to me regarding mitigating the collateral damage. <br />
<br />
I should have been told that I wouldn't simply go on as before.<br />
<br />
I should not have been made to feel as though I wasn't really a mother. Because I was. I was a mother without her child. How could that NOT effect every aspect of your life going forward??<br />
<br />
I should have been told that it was NORMAL for a mother to grieve the loss of her child to adoption.<br />
Forever.<br />
<br />
I should have been told that <strike>when</strike> if I was lucky enough to have more children, to be aware that the loss of my firstborn child would have effects on my future motherhood. I should have been counseled in the things to look for, beliefs to avoid, and ways to navigate through.<br />
<br />
I should have been counseled to be aware that in the future each of the "reasons" I was choosing adoption for could possibly become issues to deal with without even realizing it ~ financial (too poor), sexuality (shame of it), unworthiness, etc. <br />
<br />
Because...<br />
I believed that there was something wrong with me because I kept thinking about my child lost to adoption. <i>I failed at forgetting</i>. Could I do nothing right?!?<br />
<br />
I believed that I was pathetic ~ using an innocent baby to "make" myself cry. Me to myself: "Really? You are making yourself think of Christopher just to have a reason to cry?" Yes. I really did think that. I know. I weep... <br />
<br />
I lived for more than three decades in shame of my sexuality and in the shame of giving my child away. <br />
<br />
I lived for more than three decades trying to prove my worthiness, feeling that the "real me" (a 15 year old who got pregnant and gave her child away) wasn't worthy of the wonderful life I went on to have, wasn't worthy of the wonderful husband and in-laws who I loved so deeply. What a waste. I cheated not only myself, but also my husband and everyone else in my life that I loved and who loved me. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I will be forever thankful for the first voices I found online after reunion who helped me see that the grief was normal, that there was nothing wrong with me after all. I really believe that those first brave moms I found speaking out ~ <a href="http://writingmywrongs.com/" target="_blank">Suz</a>, <a href="http://www.adoption-truth.com/" target="_blank">Cassi</a>, and <a href="http://cheerios-world.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Cheerio</a> ~ along with all of the rest of the moms and adoptees I found in the following years, saved me from insanity and going back into that damn closet. </blockquote>
Thank you Suz for asking me to be a part of your presentation ~ while it was fear that I first felt with your question, in the end it brought such healing. To be able for the first time to talk about the experience out loud, knowing I had you, Kathy, and Rich there to support me if needed, to be met by so many others in the audience who "get it"... It was an experience that I'm thankful for!<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
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<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-60641039699203204462016-04-06T16:13:00.000-05:002016-04-06T16:13:16.670-05:00American Adoption Congress Conference 2016After attending AAC 2016, I have too much to write about to fit it all in one post. Here is a summary of the experience, more to come in the following days:<br />
<br />
<i>The Week of Firsts</i><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>I attended my first ever "real life" adoption event ~ the AAC 2016 Conference. </li>
<li>I traveled alone for the first time, which I surprisingly actually enjoyed.</li>
<li>I was a presenter on a workshop panel ~ the first time I've ever spoken out loud to a group regarding adoption loss in my life. Another thing that I very surprisingly enjoyed! </li>
</ul>
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>The Stories</i><br />
The biggest take-away from the conference for me were the stories. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
So very many different stories. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Different stories, but all rooted in loss and covered in confusion.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Adoptees, mothers, and adoptive mothers ~ even a raised son of one of the mothers presenting on Saturday morning spoke a little. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Not only stories of the keynote speakers and the various workshops I attended, but also many people attending. The questions and discussions from the audience after the keynotes and workshops were also insightful. <br />
<br />
I am a people watcher, and couldn't help but watch and <strike>eavesdrop</strike> listen to the many stories being told all around me at various times throughout the conference. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i>The People</i><br />
I thought that my favorite thing about attending was going to be meeting some of my adoptionland friends in real life. It was awesome meeting <a href="http://writingmywrongs.com/" target="_blank">Suz</a> & <a href="http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/" target="_blank">Amanda</a>, as well as seeing and meeting others that I "knew" through various blogs and forums. <br />
<br />
The thing that most effected me about the conference though was the experience of just being with so many people who "got it". <br />
<br />
The son, who was about the same age as Christopher, and his natural mom. <br />
The daughter, also about the same age as my son, and her adoptive mom. <br />
<br />
The moms. Oh, the moms. There were some amazing, strong, beautiful women of many ages, a few years to decades of loss, in or not in various stages of reunion with their (now adult) children. All so supportive and caring. <br />
<br />
The adoptees, who were so open to sharing their own reactions in reunion. <br />
Who spoke of the times they pulled away from their original mothers and couldn't even explain why. Who were so open with helpful advice or caring, supportive words. <br />
<br />
People who didn't look at you with pity, or reply with "what a wonderful thing you did" or... <br />
<br />
<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-24716381697794728842016-03-17T15:53:00.001-05:002016-03-17T15:53:08.570-05:00American Adoption Congress in DenverI am getting excited to attend the <a href="http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org/home_conference.php" target="_blank">AAC Conference in Denver</a> at the end of the month! There are a few reasons I decided to finally attend an adoption related conference.<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://americanadoptioncongress.org/photos/24124_09112015122748.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://americanadoptioncongress.org/photos/24124_09112015122748.jpg" height="200" width="196" /></a></div>
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<div>
This one was close enough to consider driving to ~ about nine hours away, but in the end I decided to fly in order to have more time there/less time away from work. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The chance to meet in real life some people who have become friends here in AdoptionLand on the www. I'm most excited about that than anything else, I think!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
The chance for more healing. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
One reason has come up in the last week or so, long after my decision to attend was made. In the fight for adoptee rights, nothing makes me more mad than to see us moms blamed for the continued discrimination against adult adoptees. (Well, other than the fact that they aren't allowed their obc's in the first place!) I'm glad to be attending the conference just to be present and show that natural moms are not some pathetic beings, cowering in the corner, terrified of her child lost to adoption. I fully support adoptees to have the right to their true facts of birth ~ their original birth certificates as well as any adoption records the adoption agency/lawyer has on file. I also believe all mothers should have the same right to their child lost to adoption's birth certificate just as they do to the other children they gave birth to. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The latest reason I'm excited to attend (yet a little nervous too) is that I have been asked to join Suz Bednarz, Kathy Aderhold and Richard Kish and present on "Mitigating & Managing Collateral Damage: Impact of Adoption on 1st Family"! The reason I'm nervous is first of all ~ public speaking! Secondly this is my first event of anything like this, and I'm kind of scared that the 37+ years of mostly being unable to cry about my adoption loss might be unleashed, leading to a torrent of tears that won't stop. The thirty years of denial and living in the closet before reunion did a great job on making it impossible for me to cry about Christopher. Oh, the tears begin to appear, the lump in the throat grows huge, but the complete (even if illogical) fear of falling into that deep pit of despair, never to find my way out again, will not let me "go there"; therefore stopping any more tears before they become too many tears. Hmmm... well, there is one more thing to add to the list of collateral damage adoption has left on my life!</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Will you be at the <a href="http://www.americanadoptioncongress.org/docs/Denver_Final_Website.pdf" target="_blank">AAC Conference</a>? I hope I get to meet you ~ in real life!! </div>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-52588638810574342782016-03-07T17:04:00.001-06:002016-03-07T17:04:22.337-06:00Adoptee Rights to Their Original Birth CertificatesAs a mother of adoption loss, I would first of all like to (again) make it known that<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I WAS NEVER PROMISED, NOR DID I EVER WANT, ANONYMITY FROM MY SON!</i></div>
<br />
Those who try to use us mothers as the reasons that adoption records and original birth certificates are sealed are either lying or falsely believing someone else's lies. <br />
<br />
Most moms would openly welcome being contacted by their sons and daughters lost to adoption. Most moms <u><i>dream</i></u> of finally having answers to their questions ~ is their son/daughter even alive? If so, healthy? Happy? A parent or grandparent now themselves?<br />
<br />
If it was true that the natural mother's privacy is the reason for sealing records, then why aren't they sealed until an adoption is finalized? Wouldn't they be sealed upon relinquishment?<br />
<br />
If it was true that the natural mother's privacy is the reason for sealing records, then why are the adopted sons and daughters STILL not allowed to receive a copy of the OBC after being reunited with their natural mother and/or father? I have been told that even if Christopher and I were both to ask the Iowa courts to release his original birth certificate, it would be denied due to lack of "due cause".<br />
<br />
If it was true that the natural mother's privacy is the reason for sealing records, why then would I (the natural mother) be denied a copy of my firstborn's birth certificate but be able to obtain a copy for the children I gave birth to and raised? I need to hide myself from myself??<br />
<br />
But let's just pretend that we ARE the reason our children aren't allowed their OBC. What power do we hold to allow discrimination against the (adult) children who we signed away all rights to? None. We have no rights to that (adult) child, remember?<br />
<br />
I believe that all United States citizens should have the same access to the original, true record of their own birth as any other citizen. If one citizen can walk into the courthouse and get a copy of their original birth certificate, then ALL should be able to.<br /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2Fid4UwHp88/Uky1vesziaI/AAAAAAAABuY/iGVs-7JgAUw/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2013-10-02%2Bat%2B6.08.37%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2Fid4UwHp88/Uky1vesziaI/AAAAAAAABuY/iGVs-7JgAUw/s1600/Screen%2BShot%2B2013-10-02%2Bat%2B6.08.37%2BPM.png" height="154" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I am a mother who signed away her rights to raise her child ~ I did not sign away his rights to his own birth information! I advocate for Adoptee Rights ~ do not ever use me as an excuse to keep even one person's own birth information from them!<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.adoptionalarm.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/AANMap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.adoptionalarm.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/AANMap.jpg" height="247" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
#AdopteeRights</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
#IDontHaveNorDoIWantAnonymity</div>
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<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-26554068004684413572015-09-10T16:52:00.000-05:002015-09-10T16:52:23.790-05:00Validating My MotherhoodOne of the biggest hurdles I have had to overcome in the six+ years since being reunited with Christopher has been the claiming of my motherhood ~ from my very first pregnancy, not just from the birth of the children I raised. <br />
<br />
For I never allowed myself to consider that Christopher was my child, therefore I was not "really" a mother to him. He was always "the baby I couldn't raise". <br />
<br />
The things your psyche does to protect itself... <br />
<br />
The first crack in that thinking was 16 years after his birth, when my daughter was 13. She found the envelope of papers and photos of the brother she didn't know existed. When she finally confronted me with the knowledge, she called him her brother. My brain screamed "he's not your brother!" (I may have even said it out loud?). Then my heart skipped a beat as I realized that yes, he was. He was not just the baby I couldn't raise. He was her brother. He had two younger brothers also. He was my son, I was his mother. But I wasn't...<br />
<br />
After reuniting and being able to fully acknowledge my motherhood, I still struggled with it. I struggled with letting what other people think make a difference. I allowed other people's attitudes that I wasn't really his mom since I didn't raise him take away from my truth. I was letting my assumptions of Christopher's feelings (or lack of feelings) for me take away my truth also. <br />
<br />
When I was finally able to allow my heart to <u><i>know</i></u> and embrace my motherhood, to know what every other cell in my body knows is true ~ no matter what society or anyone else may say ~ that was a major milestone in my healing. <br />
<br />
While outside validation shouldn't be necessary ~ oh how wonderful it is to get it though! Especially when it comes from outside the adoption world and friends I have found online. <br />
<br />
I got the most amazing and unexpected validation just a few days ago. Christopher's mom and I occasionally send texts, have talked about getting together again for another visit. I had been in their part of the state recently (to visit Christopher!) but didn't have enough time to stop on the way home and visit her this time. I messaged her that I hoped I would be in her area again soon. She replied back, and part of her message said "Don't we have a terrific son?" and "I hope you had a terrific visit". <br />
<br />
"Don't we have a terrific son?"<br />
<br />
Six little words... As happened in Whoville long ago, my heart grew three sizes!<br />
<br />
I know I shouldn't need validation from anyone, but... wow. To get that validation from his mom is about as good as it gets for me. Especially since it came on the heels of an after-visit melt down a couple of days earlier. In such a short time to be at the steepest drop and then back up to the highest high ~ a roller coaster ride for sure!<br />
<br />
I don't know what I've done to be so very blessed in this reunion journey of ours, but I am thankful for it every single day! <br />
<br />
Oh ~ and the visit! I went on a road trip west to spend the evening with Christopher and his family last Friday. It was a wonderful visit that had been too long in the making ~ it had been 14 months since I saw him and his wife, two long years since I saw his son and daughter. We went to dinner then back to his house for a few hours. The highlight of the night was hearing my sweet little 6 year old granddaughter calling me "grandma"! She also gave me a tour of her bedroom and all her treasures. (There is a heaven on earth ~) I had a great visit with Christopher and his wife after the little ones went to bed. I even got a little one-on-one time with Christopher as he gave me a ride back to the hotel. My heart was full as I was able to give him a hug goodbye and once again tell him I loved him in person. <br />
<br />
Life is Good ~ <br />
<br />
<br />
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-3776591152103795802015-08-31T15:37:00.001-05:002015-08-31T15:37:29.644-05:00"7 Core Issues In Adoption" <a href="https://theadoptedones.wordpress.com/2015/08/31/being-adopted-is-the-same-as-being-raised-in-a-biological-family/" target="_blank">In her latest blog post</a>, Tao linked to a website that had lists of "<a href="http://www.adoptionsupport.org/res/indexcoreb.php" target="_blank">7 Core Issues In Adoption</a>", one list for each person in the so-called "Triad". <br />
<br />
Every item listed on the "<a href="http://www.adoptionsupport.org/res/indexcoreb.php" target="_blank">Birth Parent</a>" list was spot on for me. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--hBOH3CHkoE/VeS3fAvbVUI/AAAAAAAAAeU/fF4QN-qXz_A/s1600/Checklist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--hBOH3CHkoE/VeS3fAvbVUI/AAAAAAAAAeU/fF4QN-qXz_A/s320/Checklist.jpg" width="320" /></a> <b><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;">Every </span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;">Single </span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="color: #38761d;"><span style="font-size: large;">One</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
As Tao mentions in her post, these type of lists try to simplify things that are much too complicated to be put into bullet points. When I saw that this list was on a web page described as "<span class="style2">A non-profit adoptive family support center, serving families, professionals and educators since 1998", I was sure that the list for us moms was going to be far from reality. </span><br />
<span class="style2"><br /></span>
<span class="style2">I'm still surprised at the honesty they have listed.</span><br />
<span class="style2"><br /></span>
<i><span class="style2">If only any mother considering adoption could read this page and KNOW the truth behind it! </span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span class="style2"></span></i><span class="style2">My surprise ended as I browsed the rest of that website however...</span><br />
<span class="style2"><br /></span>
<span class="style2">Under the description of their support services for "Birth Parents/Families" was this gem:</span><br />
<span class="style2"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">C.A.S.E. provides support for the birth
parent(s) in grieving the loss of their child upon relinquishment as well
as other times
in the future when memories of that child surfaces (i.e. having other children,
telling a spouse/partner, dealing with self-esteem, and dealing with the
larger issues of social and political opinion surrounding adoption.)</span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
Because, you know, memories of our children lost to </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
adoption only surface in a few circumstances in the future. </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
*Sigh*</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></span></span><span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></span></span></blockquote>
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-66758294893638420152015-08-19T16:56:00.001-05:002015-08-19T16:56:12.392-05:00Six Years Ago Today... Happy Birthday Sweet GirlSix years ago today, I had been in reunion with Christopher for 7 months and 3 days. <br />
<br />
Six years ago today, I realized just how much I really lost when I lost him to adoption.<br />
<br />
Six years ago today, Christopher and his wife welcomed their beautiful baby girl into the world.<br />
<br />
Six years ago today, the reality hit me that I not only lost my son to adoption, I also lost my grandchildren...<br />
<br />
Happy 6th Birthday sweet Brooklyn ~ Grandma Susie loves you more than you will ever know. I hope that one year I will be able to celebrate your birthday with you in person. I hope you enjoy your present as much as I enjoyed being able to send it you!<br />
<br />
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-14695349102037942002015-08-14T18:36:00.001-05:002015-08-14T18:36:17.947-05:00In The Funk. Again. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->I've been in an adoption funk again for the last couple of weeks. I know it's partially because a planned visit to see Christopher in July didn't happen due to my getting another kidney stone a couple of days before I was supposed to go. Now we are finding it difficult to find time when we are both free at the same time. It's been over a year since I've seen him, two years since I've seen his children. I miss them dearly.<br />
<br />
The funk felt bigger than that though. <br />
<br />
On facebook the other night, someone had posted a link to a site that calculates your probable conception date according to the date of birth. Since I was bored, I clicked on the link and was going to punch in my kids' birthdays, starting with the first one ~ Christopher's birthday. <br />
<br />
Then I see. Huh... Does the body, the heart and soul remember? <br />
<br />
It's probably exactly 37 years ago, give or take a day or five, that I
became pregnant with my firstborn son lost to adoption.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>The Birthday was:</b> Tuesday, May 8, 1979</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="ilad" style="font-size: large;"><b><span id="IL_AD2">Conception Date</span></b></span><span style="font-size: large;"><b>:</b>
Tuesday, August 15, 1978</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Implantation Dates:</b> Between Monday, August 21, 1978 and
Sunday, August 27, 1978</span></span><br />
<div class="result">
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The persons birthday was on Tuesday, May 8, 1979 at 40 weeks,
and conception would have been on or around Tuesday, August 15, 1978 with sex
likely between Wednesday, August 9, 1978 and Tuesday, August 15, 1978</span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
37 years sounds so long ago. So many things have changed in 37
years. Sadly, much has not changed. <br />
<br />
Mothers are still being shamed into giving their children
up for adoption. <br />
<br />
No ~ not as as it was,<br />
having no choice if you were unmarried.<br />
<br />
But in different
ways. <br />
In more subtle ways. <br />
And some not so subtle.<br />
<br />
I wonder if I will ever see a day in my lifetime when motherhood is honored again? <br />
When the mother and child bond is cherished as it should be? <br />
When the trauma and loss of a mother losing a child and a child losing a mother are losses that are recognized for everyone ~ and not completely dismissed if adoption is a part of the story?<br />
<br />
I wonder...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-37854986139608938522015-08-10T16:58:00.000-05:002015-08-10T16:58:37.702-05:00ShameI ordered the new adoption memoir "A Life Let Go: A Memoir and Five Birth Mother Stories of Closed Adoption".<br />
<br />
As I was reading the reviews for the book on Amazon, I found my breath taken away by one of them. One sentence in particular:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #134f5c;">"...true story of a pregnant teen hiding in the house, frozen and
blind to all possibility beyond invisibility, as a baby grew in the dark
and a mother weds herself to shame"</span></blockquote>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i> <span>"a mother weds herself to shame"</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--0wvwGIYX3E/VckdWwQEp9I/AAAAAAAAAdU/trK59XZsuVA/s1600/ShameDefinition.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--0wvwGIYX3E/VckdWwQEp9I/AAAAAAAAAdU/trK59XZsuVA/s320/ShameDefinition.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span>Yes.</span><br />
<br />
<span>That so perfectly describes happened </span><br />
<br />
<span>The shame of the evidence of my lost virginity at only 15 years old. Not shame of the baby growing in the dark, it was shame of my sexuality.</span><br />
<br />
<span>The shame of my 15 year old self with visible proof that I really wasn't a "good girl". </span><br />
<br />
<span>Shame that society handed to me and that I so willingly put on myself</span><br />
<br />
<span>Shame that only reinforced the belief I already had that I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't worthy of the love that I craved. </span><br />
<br />
<span>Therefore, my child deserved so much more than I had to give him.</span><br />
<span><br /></span>
<span>He deserved more than me.</span><br />
<br />
<span>*sigh*</span><br />
<br />
I wish I could go back and talk to that 15 year old mother...<br /><br />
<span><br /></span>
<span><br /></span>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-55284682628383676402015-06-24T16:07:00.000-05:002015-06-24T16:07:27.181-05:00American Adoption Congress Speech ~ May 4, 1979I've seen this before. <br />
<br />
From a speech given at the first American Adoption Congress in Washington, DC. <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
It's not that I agree with every word that makes it hit home especially hard. </div>
<br />
It's the date that this speech was given.<br />
<br />
May 4, 1979<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Just four days before Christopher was born. </div>
<br />
Just four days.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Four Days </i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
I had no idea...</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
I was not indifferent.<br />
<br />
My son was NOT unwanted. <br />
<br />
I did not wish to remain forever hidden from him.<br />
<br />
Sadly, 36 years later and this still rings true... <br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
”It is the child welfare establishment that has provided the picture of
birth mothers as indifferent – as mothers who abandon their unwanted
children with a wish to remain forever hidden from them. They know that
this is seldom true, but it helps to facilitate their work for the
public to believe this. Society does not dismiss the importance of the
natural family as readily as the social planners, and so it is useful to
portray relinquishing parents as different from caring parents."<br />
<br />
”The birth mother must be different, an aberration; for if it were true
that she had the same degree of love for her child as all other mothers,
the good of adoption would be overwhelmed by the tragedy of it.
Adoptive parents are somewhat relieved of guilt if they can be assured
that the birth parents truly did not want their child; for, under those
circumstances, it is possible to feel entitled to claim the child of
others."</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Neither society nor the mother who holds the child in her arms
wants to confront the agony of the mother from whose arms that same
child was taken. But that agony is real, as we have come to learn
through our experience with reunions.“<br />
<br /></blockquote>
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<br />
<br /><br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-86438280682379318032015-05-04T15:35:00.000-05:002015-05-04T15:35:58.748-05:00Teleflora's Commercial Tribute to Young, Single MothersWhile wasting time on Facebook the other night, I kept seeing a link that several different friends had posted about a Teleflora commercial that had left them in tears. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
It left me in tears too. But for reasons unlike my friends. Especially during this month of May, that includes not only Mother's Day, but also Christopher's birthday.<br />
<br />
What a kick in the gut.<br />
<br />
This wonderful son, grown up and serving in the military. Who had been born to a single mom who gave up her dreams of becoming a professional athlete after finding herself pregnant with him.<br />
<br />
This wonderful son, who praised all the sacrifices his mom had made for him. This wonderful son, who praised all the amazing things he was able to accomplish because of the love that he had from his mom.<br />
<br />
While I try to not play the "What If" Game, I found myself also in tears ~ wondering what my life, what my son's life, might have been like if I had raised him instead of losing him to adoption.<br />
<br />
I have not one single doubt that I would have been a wonderful mother to Christopher. I had taken care of many children from the time I was twelve years old ~ I was a regular babysitter for several families in my neighborhood. One of the families was so secure with my ability and maturity that by the age of 14 I was watching their two children overnight while the parents were out of town for the weekend.<br />
<br />
I have no doubt that I would have been a better mother to my raised kids also ~ I would not have been parenting with the unaddressed trauma of losing my firstborn child to adoption. I would have been a better wife and daughter, better to myself.<br />
<br />
So. Enough with that game of "What If" ~ It gets you nowhere and only ends in grief and anger.<br />
<br />
While this commercial was a kick in the gut to me, I hope that any unmarried mothers-to-be who watch it gain strength from it. If you are young and/or unmarried and facing an unexpected pregnancy, being a great mom IS possible, despite all that the adoption industry and the seemingly perfect prospective adoptive parents want you to believe. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-2443040118244013382015-03-05T12:26:00.000-06:002015-03-05T12:26:33.630-06:00Adoption Reunion From An Adoptee's Point of ViewMost of the stories you see of adoption reunion in the media are just sort snippets in time ~ the moment that family members see each other face-to-face for the first time since birth. How happy and exciting it all is.<br />
<br />
Those short snippets don't show what happens in the time <i>after</i> the first emails, letters, in-person visits.<br />
<br />
Reunion was life changing for me. There are still times, six years later, that I find myself lost in some aspects; trying to figure out how to navigate this new life with my firstborn son included. <br />
<br />
Today I read <a href="http://www.thenotsosecretlifeofanadoptee.com/2015/03/i-reunited-with-my-birth-family-now-what.html" target="_blank">this adoptee's story</a> of her experience and feelings in being
reunited with her natural family.<br />
<br />
It's an important read
I think, especially for those expectant mothers considering adoption
who are still landing here on my blog. If the hope of a future reunion with your child is something that you are holding onto in order to be able to go through with adoption ~ take that hope off the table. It's not a sure thing. I have come to know some wonderful reunion stories, but there are far more where either the natural mother (or father) or the grown adoptee is unable to have a relationship with the other. <br />
<br />
Here are a few things that Jessenia said that I want to share here, but if you have time please go read <a href="http://www.thenotsosecretlifeofanadoptee.com/2015/03/i-reunited-with-my-birth-family-now-what.html" target="_blank">Jessenia's post here</a>. (<i>I added emphasis on the words that cut like a knife into this mothers heart</i>)<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I used to think that searching for my birth mother would be the hardest
part about my adoption besides dealing with being adopted (I got used to
that already). However, I learned that life post reunion has to be the
most difficult part about being adopted.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's
complicated. Everything about it is complicated.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It
was well over a year, maybe two, that I reunited with my birth family
face-to-face. Simply put, I wasn't ready. I learned that I had six
siblings - two older and four younger. <i>That in itself added another
degree of pain to know that my birth mother had other child and more
children. Why was I the one that was abandoned? What was so bad about
me?</i> I struggle with it often till this day because I don't have all the
answers, but even with them, I am afraid I will always feel this way.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Today,
in my heart and in my mind, I struggle with how to live my life with
two mothers even though my adoptive mom is my mom. She is number one and
will always be that because she raised me,<i> loved me, and never gave up
on me or our family no matter how tough it was. </i>She worked three jobs and did her best as a widow. <i>That is what a mother
does</i>. However, be it the loving person I am, deep inside I want to be
able to love my birth mother and call her "mom" or something close to
that, but I can't. I want to compartmentalize everyone into their
spaces. Two mom's just doesn't feel right. It doesn't fit. It is
awkward. It is like I have a family over here and a family over there.
And I must keep them separated, my moms anyways. I am afraid that one
will feel loved more than the other. Not that my adoptive mom ever said
anything like that to me before. It's an adoptee thing. <i>But I have no
desire to love my birth mom how I love my adoptive mom</i>. I just wish
things could be normal? Whatever that is.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">However, on the flip-side, my biological siblings are dying to be in my life and want to do all that, but I cannot let them in until I figure out things with my adoptive family. Because again, I don't ever want my adoptive family to feel that I am showing more love to my birth family. My mind won't let me rest on this. These are the effects of adoption. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There is so much more to this story, but the bottom line is that <i>I still don't feel like I am connected to anyone.</i> I learned that blood or biological ties really doesn't secure a bond like I had imagined. That comes with time. Unfortunately, my siblings are having to pay for the decisions that was beyond their control because I know they love me like crazy, but I won't let them grow close to me. I am traumatized by what has already happened in my reunion that I am afraid to subject myself to more pain that I can easily avoid by closing the door. I wish I wouldn't do this to them, <i>but this is what being abandoned and adoption did to me</i>. I pray like crazy that one day I can let my guard down and be open to love without fear. </span></span></blockquote>
Oh Jessenia... I hope and pray also that one day you can let your guard down and be open to love without fear. I hope that for all adoptees. I also hope that for all mothers who have lost a child to adoption. Myself included.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: white;">a</span>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-72184101585058009072015-02-18T14:54:00.001-06:002015-02-18T14:54:20.145-06:00Stop Shorstein Network - Open Adoption FraudI previously <a href="http://findingchristopherfindingmyself.blogspot.com/2011/04/stop-shorstein-network.html" target="_blank">posted about the Shorstein Advocacy Group</a> and the filing of a class-action lawsuit against them. I was recently contacted and asked to help spread the word that they hope to file the lawsuit this summer.<br />
<br />
If you were defrauded by the promise of open adoption in the state of Florida since 1990, please join this class-action lawsuit. <br />
<br />
Here is the info I received:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">We have updated our Facebook page and email address. We
are under the gun to find a few more mothers so we can file this summer.
PLEASE help in any way you can. THIS MAY BE THE ONLY opportunity we
have to stop or at least decrease the number of coerced and fraudulent
“open” adoptions in FL. It may also pave the way to unsealing records.
ANY help is GREATLY appreciated! There is no cost to the moms to join.</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><a href="mailto:Reunitemoms@gmail.com" target="_blank">Reunitemoms@gmail.com</a></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/stop.shorstein" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/stop.<wbr></wbr>shorstein</a></span></i></blockquote>
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-72968385624791237532015-02-17T15:07:00.000-06:002015-02-17T15:07:05.865-06:00The Strings of Life (Re-Post)<b><i>This is a re-post that was <a href="http://findingchristopherfindingmyself.blogspot.com/2012/06/strings-of-life.html" target="_blank">originally published on June 14, 2012</a>: </i></b><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">The Strings of Life</span></b><br />
<br />
I stumbled onto<a href="http://anunrequitedlife.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"> the writing of Dabeshim</a> a couple of days ago. <a href="http://anunrequitedlife.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/the-strings-of-life/" target="_blank">One of his poems</a>
caught me from the very first stanza. I again am amazed at how the
words of someone adopted can be so meaningful to me as a mother of
adoption loss. <a href="http://anunrequitedlife.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/the-strings-of-life/">Below is the poem</a>, interspersed with my own rambling thoughts brought to mind as I read the words. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">There once was a day</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The winds were cold, darkness creped as far</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">As the inside, It had its say</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We did as others wished</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Serving them on a golden dish.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We knew no other way.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Like marionettes we lived,</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Upon the Strings of Life.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #365f91; font-family: "Americana BT","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #274e13; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Giving no thought at all.</span></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6953239816472596984" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
The
Florence Crittenton building was a big, old brick building. Dark.
Cold. Always. Not the temperature, it was the atmosphere in that
building… <br />
<br />
I did only as they wished. As society
expected of me. I made sure to let them all know that I wasn’t “one of
those girls”. I really was a good girl, not a crack-whore. I really did
love my baby, I really only wanted the best for him ~ It wasn’t at all
that I didn’t want to be a mom, it wasn’t that I wanted to have a life
full of fun instead of responsibility. I proved that I really did love
my baby, loved him even more than I loved myself. I served my son up to
the adoption industry on a golden dish… <br />
<br />
What a good
marionette I was, right in line being the good birthmother without any
further convincing necessary. I already knew that there was no way I
would raise a child in the way I was living. I knew that the only way I
would be able to raise my child would be to move out of the house, and
that would have been impossible on my own. I gave no thought towards
the future, only to finishing what I had started by becoming pregnant
while unmarried and young. No thought was given to what it would
actually be like to give birth to my child, much less live without him.
No thought was given to the fact that I couldn’t really ensure that my
child would have a better life. No thought was given to what an
adoptees life was like, how their life was affected by adoption. I was
just following along with what was expected of me, like a marionette I
lived… <br />
<br />
I returned to school that fall unable to really
be myself. I was sure that any classmates who knew of my pregnancy
thought of me as either the classic whore or as a heartless person who
gave her child away. I never breathed a word of my son to anyone
afterwards, losing the freedom to be myself. Always fearful that
someone would find out the truth. In addition, without even realizing
it, my heart was locked up tight in order to not fully feel the loss of
my son. How heavy was the weight of that prison I imposed on myself…<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">For our own freedom, our own call.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Now after so many years</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I awoke to see that the power to live is</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">In you and in me.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We could be</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Light as the air</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">With the wind through your hair</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Free to move, here and there.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">There and here, everywhere.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Now that we are no longer tied to the loom.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We can go from room to room.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We are Free at last,</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">no more strings of life to hold us down,</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">making us like clowns</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
In
the moment of reading the first emails telling me that my son was
looking for me, I awoke. I awoke from 30 years of denial and felt the
power, the freedom, of living in my truth. I felt as light as air ~
the weight of that self-imposed prison was lifted. Once I had the
chance to bask in the joy and treasure this new life that now included
my first born son, I wanted to share the news with everyone.
Christopher himself told me that I could go stand on the sandhills of
Nebraska and yell the news out to the world. I was no longer tied to
the loom that was labeled birthmother. The loom of shame. Shame that
wasn’t mine to take on, but that I willingly accepted from the judgment
of our society. The loom of despair and grief from the loss of my son ~
loss that I wasn’t even allowed to speak of. Loss that nobody in
society sees, much less understands to have any empathy for. (Except
for the others who live with the loss of adoption that is)<br />
<br />
In
talking to the search angel who matched our profiles, I felt as though I
had beaten the system. Even though deep down I knew it wasn't true,
the remnants of former beliefs were still there. I had believed the
social worker when she told me it would be against the law to ever look
for my son. Taking on that lie, it tied me further to the loom of
adoption loss. Now here I was, being told by an angel named Kim that my
son had been searching for me for a while, was very excited and waiting
to finally hear from me. Just as I had been tied to the loom of
adoption, so had he. In the finding, we were both freed from the looms,
we were free to go from the room of secrecy into the room of truth. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The past is the in the past</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">None of that matter anymore</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Yesterday is out the door</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Let’s make the most of now</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Since time doesn’t last</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We made our own many mistakes</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Sacrificed the best of ourselves at the stake</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Yet we are free now to move every which way</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">To say what we want to say</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">no more strings of life to tie us down</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">making us look just like clowns</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
Yes
~ the past is in the past. I can’t get back those lost years with
Christopher. I made my mistakes. Many mistakes were made in the years
after I lost Christopher to adoption. My biggest wish is that I had
been strong enough to live my truth, instead of hiding from it. For I
wasn't really hiding from it. It was always there, just under the
surface, just out of reach of my conscious being. I not only
sacrificed my son, I sacrificed my authentic self. Being silent after
the loss of my son to adoption only allowed the myths to continue.
Being silent gave the impression that losing my son to adoption was ok.
Being silent kept the tremendous loss and grief hidden. Did another
mother go on to choose adoption because she saw that my life did seem to
go on as before after losing my son to adoption? I will never know.
But I do feel that I fed the adoption industry with my silence. The
strings tying me down are gone, I am free now to speak of my experience.
I am free to speak of the child, now a grown man, forever lost to
adoption. There are no self or society imposed strings keeping me
silent now. I speak out of the truth of adoption loss on my life. I
speak out not because it can change anything for us ~ but maybe I can
change something for another mother, for the children of that mother. I
speak out now to help another living with the loss of adoption to free
themselves from their own loom, to no longer be a marionette of the
adoption industry. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;" /></span> <br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We are as light as the air</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">With the wind through your hair</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We have no more cares</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">That will hold us and keep us,</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">From ourselves,</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">like marionettes up on the shelves.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oh you must believe me!</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oh can you see me?</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Can you hear this song I sing?</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It brings me here to you!</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The strings of life have all disappeared</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The strife we lived, sheared and blown away</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We are free now to move every which way</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">To say what we want to say</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">no more strings of life to tie us down</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">lifting us high above the ground</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
We
are free now to just be. The strings of adoption no longer control us
as though we are only marionettes. I am his mother, he is my son. I
love Christopher no less than the children I raised. The strings of
adoption could take away my legal rights, but could never take away my
love for him.<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Oh come with me</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">And Fly! You will see</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The music is playing, the choir is saying</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We are Light as the air</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The wind through your hair</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Free to move, here and there.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">There and here, everywhere.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">With no more ties</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Gone are The Strings of Life.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">………………………………</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #274e13; font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">© 2012 Dabeshim</span></span></div>
<br />
Thank
you for sharing these beautiful, yet haunting, words Dabeshim. Thank
you for allowing me to ramble on and write of how the words touched my
heart. <br />
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7gjn5-IyVHY/TX7KO9EuqVI/AAAAAAAAAE8/uFgx5f-aTE8/s1600/signature.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7gjn5-IyVHY/TX7KO9EuqVI/AAAAAAAAAE8/uFgx5f-aTE8/s1600/signature.png" /></a></div>
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<br />
"The Strings of Life" by Dabeshim at <a href="http://anunrequitedlife.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/the-strings-of-life/">http://anunrequitedlife.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/the-strings-of-life/</a><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #365f91; line-height: 115%;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<h4>
5 comments:</h4>
<div class="avatar-image-container">
</div>
<div class="comment-header" id="bc_0_1M" kind="m">
<cite class="user"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07691288924167579628" rel="nofollow">Symon David Holcomb Kilmer </a></cite><span class="icon user"></span><span class="datetime secondary-text"><a href="http://findingchristopherfindingmyself.blogspot.com/2012/06/strings-of-life.html?showComment=1339762687318#c8613088203865368622" rel="nofollow">June 15, 2012 at 7:18 AM</a></span></div>
<div class="comment-content" id="bc_0_1MC">
Susie
has not only complimented and interpreted my poem "The Strings of Life"
she has likewise created a beautifully expressed narrative revealing
the pain and joy of a mother who lost a child to adoption with the words
of pain and joy of an adult adoptee she doesn't know. <br />Well done!<br />Dabeshim</div>
</div>
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Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-89287254427464321072015-01-16T22:37:00.001-06:002015-01-16T22:39:04.116-06:00Happy 6th Reunion-versary! Six years ago today I finally had answers to the three questions that had been haunting me since the first and only time I saw my firstborn child. Questions that haunted me for 29 years, 7 months, and 13 days.<br />
<br />
Yes, he was alive<br />
Yes, he was healthy<br />
Yes, he was happy<br />
And yes, he got great parents too. <br />
<br />
Despite the laws in the State of Iowa (where grown adults are denied the right to know their true origins) my son was still able to find me. There are no words to express the gratitude I have for the online reunion registries and for Kim, one of the many amazing people known as "Search Angels".<br />
<br />
As I remember that wonderful, yet frightening, day six years ago, I find myself again with mixed emotions.<br />
<br />
Sadness<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
That adoption is still celebrated and treated as sacred in this country. Despite the many, many studies proving the trauma to both mother and child due to unnecessary separation. Despite the many people now speaking out their truths regarding adoption loss. The adoption industry is just another example proving that it is the almighty dollar that runs this country. I long to see the day when the mother-child relationship is celebrated and treated as sacred ~ despite the mothers marital status, age, income level, etc. </blockquote>
<br />
Anger <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
That adoptees are still denied their rights to their own true stories. That mothers are used as the reason for keeping those records sealed ~ when the vast majority of mothers welcome and hope for reunion themselves. It is inhumane to expect a mother to not know if her child is even alive, much less healthy and happy. </blockquote>
Gratitude<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
For those who help the lost be found. For those who help those lost in grief to find their way out. For those who speak out their truths so others know they are no longer alone. For those who advocate for equal rights for those who are adopted. For those who lift up and advocate for mothers facing an unexpected pregnancy. For the many friends I have met in Adopto-land, who have helped me find my way out of the closet, out of denial, and out of the grief that had been buried for so very many years. </blockquote>
Love<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
For Christopher. As well as for his beautiful children and wife, I am overjoyed to be able to know them and be a part of their lives. Love for his parents, who have welcomed me into their lives as well. </blockquote>
<div style="text-align: right;">
And for the first time in forever ~ love for myself. </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It's taken most of these last six years to get to this point,<br />
there were times I wondered if I would really survive it all ~<br />
but I did. </blockquote>
I am stronger and braver and wiser for it.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
This year I was finally able to embrace my younger self </div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
and show her the love and support she didn't have all those years ago. </div>
<br />
<br />
We deserve it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: white;">a</span>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-60696145366444569642014-10-30T16:28:00.000-05:002014-10-30T16:28:39.166-05:00Heartbreaking - Another Open Adoption Closed...Today in one of my online support groups there was yet another post from a mother of adoption loss who was promised an open adoption ~ which never came to be. <br />
<br />
Today is her babies 1st birthday. <br />
<br />
She has never received one single photo. <br />
Not. One. Photo.<br />
Even though the adoptive parents promised her that she would be a part of her child's life always.<br />
<br />
She has never received one update. <br />
Not. One. Update. <br />
Even though the adoptive parents promised her that she would be a part of her child's life always.<br />
<br />
Another mother who was told that an open adoption consisted of photos and updates. <br />
Yet she has no idea where these parents live, doesn't know their name, doesn't know anyhing about them. <br />
<br />
Another mother who wasn't told that receiving correspondence through an adoption agency really isn't an open adoption. <br />
<br />
Another mother who wasn't told that this so-called open adoption isn't legally binding.<br />
<br />
Another mother who wouldn't have chosen adoption if she wouldn't even be able to know if her child was still alive, much less healthy and happy.<br />
<br />
Another adoptive family who thought it was ok to lie ~ whatever it took to get what they wanted.<br />
<br />
Another adoption agency that doesn't care about the mother or child once the papers are signed. They got the baby to supply to the parents who are willing to pay them thousands of dollars in exchange. <br />
<br />
For that's what adoption has become in this day and age my folks. <br />
<br />
Adoption is now about providing a child to a family that wants one.<br />
<br />
When it should be about giving a family to a child that doesn't have one.<br />
<br />
Two things feed the corruption that adoption has become:<br /><br />
<u>Big Business </u><br />
<br />
Finding the supply to meet the demand to make the $$ <br />
<br />
No matter what lies and myths are necessary to keep that supply and demand coming in<br />
<br />
<u>Entitlement </u><br />
<br />
Wanting a baby. At any cost. <br />
<br />
Who cares about the mothers left behind?<br />
<br />
They didn't really want their babies anyways, did they?<br />
<br />
For if you really wanted your baby, why would you even THINK of contacting an adoption agency??<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /><br />
<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-23164945340433961872014-10-20T20:07:00.000-05:002014-10-20T20:17:18.008-05:00Teen Moms - StereotypesPLEASE read this article on RH Reality Check! (Especially if you are one of the many people who land here by searching for advice on your teen daughters unexpected pregnancy.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2014/10/20/wheres-16-parenting-ok-reality-show/" target="_blank">Where's the "16, Parenting, and OK" Reality Show?</a><br />
<br />
While the article focuses on the role of media in the stereotypes, the problem goes beyond that to the whole of society. <br />
<br />
Here are a few paragraphs ~ but the entire article is a must read:<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"><i> </i>...Teen pregnancy and parenthood has almost always been framed
as the beginning of the end of a young person’s life</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Then there’s the fact that the media often overrepresents adoption,
especially when it comes to teenage mothers. “The adoption story line is
often used as a way to fix the ‘problem,’” sociologist Gretchen Sisson,
whose work focuses on teenage pregnancy, parenting, and adoption, told <i>RH Reality Check</i>.
“Teen parenthood and abortion are both very stigmatized. So adoption is
kind of the way out and a way for the character to redeem
themselves. Before abortion was legal, adoption was a way for white
women to ‘undue’ the sins of sexuality outside of marriage. <b>Adoption is
used as a solution for teen pregnancy and abortion, when really it is
neither of these things.</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">If one does not give their child up for adoption or marry the father of their child (if the father did not leave them already, <a class="ext-link" href="http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/bronx/bronx-councilwoman-slams-bloomberg-teen-pregnancy-ads-article-1.1297703" rel="external" title="(Open in new tab) ">as the narrative goes in the media</a>)
the identity oft given to parenting teens is one of a desolate
existence for both mother and child.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">While the media has taken on the role of “teaching” about teenage
pregnancy, mostly through shame and stigma, media makers need to
acknowledge they are influencing how gatekeepers—including school
administrators, health-care providers, and other adults in a young
person’s life—perceive and treat young pregnant people.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">We have to start asking ourselves, as former teen mother and
#NoTeenShame member Christina Martinez recently mentioned to me, “What
if we were to surround young parents with messages of hope, support, and
encouragement? How might that alter the confidence in which they
approach their role as parent?”</span></blockquote>
</div>
</blockquote>
<br />
I try to not imagine what my life might have been like if I would have had someone to surround me with messages of hope, support, and encouragement... <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: white;">as </span>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-75848131800874589772014-10-06T22:20:00.000-05:002014-10-06T22:20:13.363-05:00Step Into Your Feminine PowerI read a blog post tonight about stepping into your feminine power. The title of the blog post is "<a href="http://thehappywomb.com/strong-like-the-water/" target="_blank">Strong Like the Water</a>". <br />
<br />
As I read this post, I found myself thinking that the authors words could be great inspiration for someone facing an unexpected pregnancy: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://thehappywomb.com/strong-like-the-water/" target="_blank"><strong>What is an empowered woman like?</strong></a><br />
<a href="http://thehappywomb.com/strong-like-the-water/" target="_blank">I keep returning to this question and wondering. <strong>What is the nature of feminine power? Is it different from masculine power?</strong> Do we have any models?</a></blockquote>
What is more representative of the nature of feminine power than childbirth? Is there anything that more differentiates feminine power from masculine power? I think not. <br />
<br />
The author ponders on how to step more fully into her power, finding that answer in the element of water ~ from a small droplet to a raging waterfall:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://thehappywomb.com/strong-like-the-water/" target="_blank">Droplets of water were rolling from the soft moss into the lake. As I listened to their delicate music, I marveled at how these sweet droplets were made of the same stuff that filled the great lake, and which had, over millennia, carved the entire valley</a>.</blockquote>
She goes on to compare that to the daily job of mothering:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />
<a href="http://thehappywomb.com/strong-like-the-water/" target="_blank">I was put in mind of the daily tasks of mothering, which in themselves are so small, yet which add up to something great. ‘Take heart’, the droplets seemed to say. ‘Each sandwich made, each sock hung up to dry, each goodnight kiss is a droplet that partakes of the great lake of love, which has huge power.’ This put me in mind of Mother Theresa’s advice that we should not pursue “great deeds” but rather “small deeds with great love.”</a></blockquote>
<br />
<h4>
<i><span style="font-weight: normal;">It's Not About The Big Picture All At Once</span></i></h4>
Often a mother makes the mistake of going to an adoption agency or crisis pregnancy center when looking for advice and help while facing an unexpected pregnancy. The problem with this is that they aren't there to offer help to that mom. They aren't there to help her step into her power. They are there to supply the adoption industry. In order to do that they have to make the mother think that she isn't worthy of being a mother to her child. One of the ways they frighten the mother into considering adoption is by having her look at the big picture of being a mother. How much does it cost to raise a child? How will you continue school/settle into your career/whatever while raising a child? How will you work/go to school ~ do you want your child raised by a babysitter? And more... Oh, so much more do they throw at you to make you feel unworthy...<br />
<br />
<h4>
<i><span style="font-weight: normal;">It's About The Droplets Creating the Great Lake of Love</span></i></h4>
It's the love and care shown in the small every day tasks that put together has huge power. It's the small deeds with great love. You don't have to face the entire first 18 years of your child's life in the first day home from the hospital. As quoted above ‘Take heart’, the droplets seemed to say. ‘Each sandwich made, each sock hung up to dry, each goodnight kiss is a droplet that partakes of the great lake of love, which has huge power.’<br />
<i><br /></i><br /><i>The selling of adoption makes you look at the big picture all at once in an attempt to take your power away. But it's the little pictures that matter. It's all the little pictures ~ taken one day at a time ~ that make up the big picture. The love given, the kisses goodnight, the diapers changed and the belly filled. The boo-boos kissed, the lessons taught. </i><br /><br /><i> The joys of being a mother. </i><br /><br /><i> The joys and privilege of living your feminine power.</i><br /><br /><i> Is there anything greater?</i><br /><br /><i>I think not </i><br /><br /><br /><i> </i>Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-32934804245301600762014-08-11T23:02:00.001-05:002014-08-14T15:34:59.419-05:00Courage ~ Telling The Story of My Whole HeartI took one of those facebook quizes the other day ~ <a href="http://www.playbuzz.com/katelynw11/what-is-your-spirit-stone" target="_blank">What Is Your Spirit Stone</a>? I got: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">Fire
Agate - This stone represents courage. You are a true leader in your
circle of friends and you're someone people look up to. You may come
across as intimidating to some people, but you really are a good person.
Just make sure that you don't get to</span></span><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">o courageous, and do something dangerous.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"></span></span></span></span></blockquote>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">I posted on fb that I
would never have considered myself courageous until these last few
years. That I attribute reunion and the process of healing from the loss of my son to
that...</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><a href="http://writingmywrongs.com/" target="_blank">Suz</a> commented that she thinks of me as courageous. That really surprised me because it's not an attribute that I have ever thought I had. I've been pondering on this off and on for several days now. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dYcZK1dn5D8/U-mFCi1ckZI/AAAAAAAAAbM/gIZzn1Q1vdY/s1600/courage_defined.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dYcZK1dn5D8/U-mFCi1ckZI/AAAAAAAAAbM/gIZzn1Q1vdY/s1600/courage_defined.PNG" height="183" width="400" /></a></div>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">Yes, I do speak out about my adoption story. I do speak out on forums, blogs, fb about the truth of adoption loss in my life. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">But I do it anonymously. Mostly. I have let some of the "adoption world" onto my "real life" fb page. But not much of it. (I can't really share much there, since Christopher, his wife, and his mom are on my friends list there.) Most of my advocating is done through this blog, my "Finding Christopher" email and fb page. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">So. Not so courageous after all... </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">The first person in my "real life" that I told about the blog was my daughter ~ and it scared me to death knowing that she was going to read my heart here. For I felt as Anna Nalick sings "</span></span></span></span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud..." </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">I recently also told Christopher about this blog, worried that he might find it by accident since I had started letting some of the adoption world onto my personal fb page. So far he says he doesn't want to read any of what I have written here. I was surprised that instead of feeling complete relief at that I was disappointed instead.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">I have only briefly considered telling any of my closest friends about my writing, letting them know that my advocating for adoptee rights goes much deeper than just that. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">However...</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">Since taking that silly spirit rock quiz, I've been finding myself ready to share my whole story, to share all of me. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">After all, my daughter read this online diary of mine and it wasn't the end of me. </span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">Maybe it's time for me to start telling the story of my whole heart...</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span>
<span style="color: purple;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body" style="font-size: large;"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0"><br /></span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large;">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".2z.1:3:1:$comment562038137240793_562572573854016:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">*<a href="http://findingchristopherfindingmyself.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-am-i-thinking.html" target="_blank">my first post is here</a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-19437232602934122812014-07-31T13:46:00.000-05:002014-07-31T13:52:59.971-05:00Adoption and Rejection ~ from those who live it<br />
There was an interesting discussion among several adopted people yesterday on facebook. As I was reading the replies to the question posed, I was thinking that any mother considering adoption for her unborn child should have to read it also. For you cannot go into a fully informed decision for adoption until you have learned about how that choice might possibly effect your child in the future.<br />
<br />
The discussion was about the Psychology Today article <span style="color: blue;"><b>"<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection" target="_blank">10 Surprising Facts About Rejection</a>"</b>.</span> A question was posed asking if others who were adopted felt that #10 on the list ("10. There are ways to treat the psychological wounds rejection inflicts.")<strong> </strong>was true for those who were adopted. Below is the question posed and some of the replies. I asked if it would be ok to post their discussion here ~ some preferred I use their names and some preferred to stay anonymous. <br />
<br />
Thanks to all of you who allowed me to share this discussion! <br />
<br />
The Question:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Adoptees, I would like you to share your thoughts on this article. We
all face rejection, and we all know it runs viral among the adopted. I
see myself in a lot of the traits posted in this column. I don't see #10
in the same light as the author. Thoughts?</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
When I began delving into adoption it was the same day as my discovery coming up on 8-years-ago. I was very surprised when I learned that rejection is an adopted person's hugest trigger. While everyone fears rejection, it is 10-fold among we adoptees.<span style="color: blue;"> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004/ref=la_B0034PH0GK_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406832012&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><b>"The Primal Wound"</b></a></span> details how relinquished babies experience a rejection as soon as we are removed from our mothers. It is a trauma we never overcome.<br />
<br />
I cannot totally agree with #10. While there are treatments for feelings of rejection and abandonment, no one I know of has as of yet cured "the primal wound." If someone were to I know they would make millions. Have any of you cured the Primal Wound? </blockquote>
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">"Number
10 feels off to me, too. We may think we've gotten past feeling a
certain way, but something can send us down the rabbit hole where we
feel old stings anew. At least "I" do. I hesitate to say we, but I know
I've heard other express similar feeli</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">ngs over the years. </span><br data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0">I
think the best I can do is learn to cope with my emotions and
everything that goes along with them better. For me, this is a lifelong
process of constantly tweaking my thinking and how I treat myself."</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"I can't cure the Primal Wound, but sometimes I can slap a big enough bandaid on it so that I can cope."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"I don't feel we can *fix* the Primal Wound.... Only learn coping skills. Not a professional - but I have lived it."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$text0:0:$0:0">"They
may not be taking into account trauma that occurs in infancy. There's
definitely a difference because the infant has no knowledge of it's self
before the trauma. Check out </span><a class="" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$range0:0" dir="ltr" href="http://www.lifeworkscommunity.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><b>www.lifeworkscommunity.com</b></span></a><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0"> for more about this. They also have a page on FB</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">.
Paul Sunderland also has a video on YouTube, <a href="http://youtu.be/Y3pX4C-mtiI" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><b>"Lecture on Adoption"</b></span></a>,
where he talks about this. He's from the UK and trained for many years
in addiction. He found such a strong link between adoption and addiction
that he began looking deeper into the effects of adoption (or
relinquishment, as he calls it). He talks extensively about PTSD. Very
interesting!"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"damn, just reading that article...makes me feel hurt."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"Very interesting, especially 7 and 9 for me"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
Holly Carter: <span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">"You
can't correct the Primal Wound. We don't have a self before the actual
wound. We can't go back to before because there is no before. We are
severed forever and will always carry that with us. While it can be put
in the closet and set on a shelf</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">,
every so often, when entering the closet, it can jump off the shelf at
the most inappropriate times. Also, until society realizes that we have
this real pain with adoption and society allows us to grieve our loss,
there won't be a real healing of this rejection. I feel it is always
there, we just learn to live with it & put it aside & it will
erupt at any given time, weather we realize it or not. I'm pretty sure
that's why I can talk circles around people when I don't really want to
answer a question or discuss something. Hope this makes sense."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"I
can see how someone with an adoption rejection experience could find
him/herself with twice as much time as others just thinking and
anticipating a rejection before it even happens. It's like hiking 200
ft up a hill and back tracking 200 ft and going back up again....the
stress is at maximum"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">"Holly states it very well…there is no cure for the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Primal-Wound-Understanding-Adopted-Child/dp/0963648004/ref=la_B0034PH0GK_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406832012&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Primal Wound</b></span></a>……Before I
read that book, I also read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Being-Adopted-Lifelong-Search-Anchor/dp/0385414269/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406832296&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><b>Being Adopted the life long search for self</b></span></a>
and between the two books…It was such an epiphany for me on how I
maneuvered my life…not to risk..not to t</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">rust….leave
a relationship before one can leave me….Divorce rate is higher among
adoptees as well according to a book I read…Our adoptee issues always
seems to be there…it is how we manage it all so it doesn't get too
overwhelming at one time or moment…"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">"I
agree that there is no cure for the primal wound, & I've often
wondered if those of us that are adopted are so conditioned to it that
we subconsciously set ourselves up for more rejection by subtle things
like body language & facial expressions, especially to people who
tend to be human predators whose skills are honed to smell fear &
pounce on it."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">From a natural mother: "The
saddest thing to me is how much I wanted my daughter. I wasn't looking
to abandon. I was told the biggest lie of coercion; If you love her
enough you will allow her to have the nuclear family she deserves. No
one told me she would feel abandoned or have any negative effects about
adoption. And that's why I do what I can to help young pregnant women
know the truth. My apology from all of your mothers."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:0"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$text0:0:$0:0">"in
reading number 10 I would say it falls along the line with PEER
therapy…releasing all the stored negative emotions that exist in the
body…self soothing only works so well and having other people soothe us
is not always realistic<span style="color: blue;"> </span></span><a class="" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$range0:0" dir="ltr" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3euHCetX34" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3euHCetX34"</span></a></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span 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data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">"my
birth mother was told the same set of lies. It took me awhile to fill
her in about my not-so-positive adoption experience and she was
devastated to find out things weren't all rosy as she was promised.
Young women in distres</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">s
are prone and want to believe the best case scenarios, especially if
those around them are all sending the same message. Adoption should be a
last resort, not looked at as the perfect solution."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
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data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span 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data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Jodi Gibson Haywood: "#10
sounds kind of vague. Rejection definitely does not respond to reason
or logical thought, especially with adoption wounds. Decades after the
fact I discovered I wasn't actually given up, but taken in a family
abduction. That did nothing to ease the pain of rejection. The primal
wound is incurable. Some days the pain can be managed better than
others."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327121092099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327126437099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327164572099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327172867099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327182137099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327186172099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327191457099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327292947099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327479342099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327508937099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327689427099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">"I
think that the important part of #10 is, "To do so effectively we must
address each of our psychological wounds... " Because our emotions run
HOT it is very hard to stop long enough to calmly and coolly "address"
our wounds. Personal experience - I w</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">as
told by a cousin that I was not wanted. Not by my Mother or Father - No
one wanted me. My Mom and Dad felt sorry for me so they took me in.
Sound familiar?? Then when I was in grade school a classmate told me
that being adopted meant that my Mother was a prostitute!! Lovely, eh.
Well, my Mom (at this point - the 50s) was very forthcoming with what
she had been told (which proved to be true) so my wound was bandaged by
what she told me... BUT throughout my life I have heard the same crap
over and over about adoptees and/or why children are surrendered for
adoption. It is a very sore point with me. After two years of addressing
this point with a useless - USELESS - therapist (?) in my early 20s, I
talked to a neighbor who was a Psychiatrist and he asked me one simple
question (that I would never have heard or thought of in an emotional
fervor), "Did your cousin, schoolmate, or any of these people who say
that your or anyone else's Mothers didn't want them know the Mothers?"
Because of my own personal life situation at the time I was able to look
back at these situation and realize that all of these people (or their
parents who had planted the idea in their heads) were all talking out of
their asses. This was not the end of having to deal with feelings of
being "other" or not good enough But it was the beginning of awakening
and working for reform."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
Wendy Blitzer Barkett: "T<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327059057099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327060042099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span 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data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327776707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152327867707099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">ylenol???
Really??? Tylenol actually makes me feel the need to throw up, perhaps
now I know why. It's trying to fight with rejection, and rejection wins
out every time.</span><br data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$2:0">Someone mentioned the band aide and that I can relate to. I had no idea that I pushe</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">d
people to see how long it would take them to leave, to reject me, to
walk away. I knew I did it, I never knew why. It was when I pushed my
husband while we were engaged that the fear that he might actually leave
hit me. For the first time, I was pushing someone away that I didn't
want to leave, and so I stopped, for the most part.</span><br data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$1:0" /><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$2:0">Years later I read about rejection and abandonment and being an adoptee and how they all related to each other.</span><br data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$3:0" /><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$4:0">I don't think we can ever cure it, or heal it per say. Make it less painful, yes, for sure. Even tylenol will do that! </span><br data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$5:0" /><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$6:0">But
there are plenty of healthy, as well as rather unhealthy ways, to erase
the rejection feelings. Some refer to healing their inner child. I
can't relate to that. If there ever is a cure, or a clinical study, I'd
be sure to think about giving it a shot. Until then I just ignore it."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
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data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328390332099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$6:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">Jodi Gibson Haywood: "the
fact is that prolonged separation from your mother, as a baby or young
child, is automatically perceived as rejection because we're not capable
of understanding the circumstances behind it. Whether we</span></span><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".t.1:3:1:$comment10152327054457099_10152328445577099:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">
were abandoned, abducted, or orphaned in the true sense of the word, it
feels the same. It also makes us especially vulnerable to - and
traumatized by - subsequent rejections. My healing is coming from
acknowledging the primal wound while not allowing it to define me. Not
an easy thing to do, but less negative side effects than the
self-destructive stuff I did before."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
"I do believe there is a way to address and treat our wounds. One way is to be aware of self defeating behavior that may elicit rejection and make changes in our imteractions with others. I have done this in my own life. Am I "cured"? Of all wounds? No. But the pain lessons with time. Like cully mentioned about those people who didn't know what they were talking about, sometimes logic can help me see that it isn't just me walking around wounded. Everyone has their baggage and fears rejection so I have learned not to take it as personal when it happens. Painful? Yes. But I can soothe my wounds by spending time with those who love me and have shown they won't reject me. (Of course this takes trust)."<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
"Just look in the animal kingdom at how mothers react when separated from their babies…they scream, cry and mourn and their babies if alive do the same…why do we think it should be different for human beings? I think that the loss is so understood by so many in the subconscious and for that reason no one really wants to talk about…it's unthinkable and yet is happens all the time. These are defenses we have and our mothers have, and the goal is SURVIVAL. It's so devastating, so horrible, so unfathomable that these defenses help us and our mothers survive them. I don't believe the primal wound can ever be completely healed, but I do think we can learn new coping skills…since we survived we can do anything!"Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-87855580708016710442014-07-24T16:53:00.001-05:002014-07-24T16:53:18.186-05:00The Bond Between A Mother and Her Child<blockquote>
<h3>
The bond between a mother and her child is naturally
sacred. It is physical, psychological and spiritual. It is very
resilient and very flexible. It can stretch very far - naturally. Any
artificial or violent injury to this "stretch" constitutes a serious
psychic trauma to both mother and child - for all eternity. This means
that children need their mothers and mothers need their children -
whether or not a mother is married or unmarried.</h3>
</blockquote>
<div class="margin-bottom-20">
Source: Mothers On Trial, The Battle For Children and Custody, 1986, 1987<br />
<br />
<br />
These words are so very, very true. Adoption loss is forever. And forever is a very long time...<br />
<br />
Pregnant? Considering adoption? Go learn. Click on the tab above "For Mothers Considering Adoption". Click on any of the blogs on my blog roll to the right. Go learn from other mothers of adoption loss and from adoptees who are now adults speaking out about growing up adopted. <br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i5UD8rdZQJc/U9F-b9XouyI/AAAAAAAAAa0/w2c623p9O94/s1600/klimt-mother-and-child-1905.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i5UD8rdZQJc/U9F-b9XouyI/AAAAAAAAAa0/w2c623p9O94/s1600/klimt-mother-and-child-1905.jpg" height="254" width="320" /> </a></td><td style="text-align: center;"> </td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mother and Child by Gustav Klimt </td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-28370274376448912522014-02-04T16:56:00.001-06:002014-02-04T16:56:52.281-06:00Beyond "Philomena"I wish that everyone would watch the movie "Philomena". <br />
<br />
I wish that everyone who saw the movie would know that there are millions of Philomenas ~ not only in Ireland but also in the United States of America, Canada, Australia and many other countries. <br />
<br />
I wish that everyone knew that the horrors shown in "Philomena" are not just of a time gone by. Mothers and their adult children are still kept apart, are still outright denied and also lied to in order to keep them from finding each other. <br />
<br />
I have read many wonderful articles and blog posts about Philomena ~ the book & movie as well as the strong woman speaking out so many decades later. I am linking to a couple of posts that have been written in the last couple of days that bring attention to not only Philomena's story, but also the story beyond Philomena. <br />
<br />
Yesterday <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Child-Catchers-Rescue-Trafficking-Adoption/dp/1586489429/ref=la_B001JSBTGG_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391553350&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Kathryn Joyce</a> had an article in RH Reality Check<a href="http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2014/02/03/philomena-reminds-us-baby-scoop-era-affected-millions/" target="_blank"> "Philomena Reminds Us That The "Baby Scoop Era" Affected Millions"</a>. If you don't want to read any spoilers to the movie, skip reading the first section, start at "The "Baby Scoop Era"". Kathryn's article is an excellent review of not just the movie, but of our own Philomenas here in the United States.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">This fall, I sat in a room full of mothers at CUB’s annual
retreat—women who had relinquished children for adoption ten, 20, or 40
years before. It was a room moved easily to tears, as panel after panel
included personal testimonies from women who, decades later, were still
hoping to reconnect with their now-adult children, or who had found
their children and reunited, only to have them later pull away,
overwhelmed by the weight of emotion. No matter how many years they were
removed from that loss, the women I met still mourned. And many were
still angry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Representing that anger might have perhaps made <i>Philomena</i> a less palatable film for many mainstream viewers, but as the <i>Post</i>’s review suggests, even a modicum of anger over the sacrosanct institution of adoption can prompt blinding defensiveness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">I thought of this moment when I read that review, imagining that
there was no way someone could sit in the midst of that much collective
grief and come away to claim that what happened to these women was
charity, or remotely a choice. And I thought about it again when I later
watched <i>Philomena</i> myself, in a matinee screening in an outer
borough of New York, where two women in their 60s remained in their
seats, staring at the credits, long after the theater had emptied.</span><br />
</blockquote>
</div>
Today Lynn Grubb has an excellent post <a href="http://noapologiesforbeingme.blogspot.com/2014/02/my-mother-is-american-philomena.html" target="_blank">"My mother is an American Philomena"</a>. She also writes about Kathryn Joyce's article and goes on to write about her own mother, another "Philomena". Her words brought tears to my eyes. It was so validating to read an adopted person's words that speak so eloquently and with such understanding for what us mothers faced. Please go read her entire post, but I am sharing some of what spoke to this mom's heart:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Society shunned people like my mother. My mother was only being human -- doing what people do -- having sex with someone she cared about. The people around her (family, society, authorities) said that because she was single and pregnant, she was bad. That message took root and created the shame that many original mothers live with today.</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">I do not accept how my mother was treated nor will I stand by and stay silent while new women every day are being shuffled into the Adoption Machine. </span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> "But it was HER choice" . . . you say.</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> What kind of choices are truly available to women when there is no family support, no societal support and no financial support?</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> Even today, there are women who fall into this category. I disagree that these women should be persuaded to relinquish their flesh and blood. Instead of feeding the Adoption Machine, we need to have more compassion for women in a crisis pregnancy. </span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> A woman does not need pressuring for or against adoption. . . she needs support in believing that she is good enough to parent her own child, regardless of marital or financial status.</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> When she believes that she is good enough for her child, then she will begin to look for the resources to parent. If she decides to relinquish, she will have (hopefully) done so from a place of empowerment, not desperation.</span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> Let's stop acting like relinquishing one's child is a panacea to moving on with one's life. Let's acknowledge and embrace the Philomenas walking among us. </span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> They deserve to be heard. </span></blockquote>
<br />
Amen... <br />
<br />
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<br />
<br /></div>
Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6953239816472596984.post-71770914777975906622014-01-27T16:24:00.001-06:002014-01-27T16:24:50.536-06:00Proposed "Baby Veronica" Law brings back memories...I was just reading the article about the <a href="http://www.newson6.com/story/24550427/new-oklahoma-adoption-bill-aims-at-protecting-biological-parents-rights" target="_blank">proposed "Baby Veronica" law</a> in Oklahoma. Reading that the bill would require birth parents to go before a judge to sign away parental rights. I found myself lost in remembering and wondering...<br />
<br />
I don't remember if this was before or after Christopher was born. I think it was after? I remember sitting in an office talking to a "counselor" about the adoption hearing that would be/had been scheduled. She was telling me that it was my choice to attend the hearing or not. She told me that if I attended it I would be sworn in to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. She then told me that the judge would ask me several questions about why I was giving my child up for adoption. That he would ask if adoption was truly what I wanted. She told me that if I told him the truth that he probably wouldn't let me give my baby up. (For I didn't "want" to give him up ~ I felt that I "had" to give him up.) <br />
<br />
I remember the panic. I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to go in front of that judge and lie to him. What if he wouldn't "let" me give my baby up?? <br />
<br />
I remember the counselor repeating this process to me a couple of times. To be sure I understood. Was she telling me this to ensure that I wouldn't go to court to relinquish my rights ~ so that the judge wouldn't stop the adoption? Or maybe... maybe she was trying to get me to see that adoption wasn't what I really wanted nor <u>had</u> to do? <br />
<br />
I wonder...<br />
<br />
I do know that if I had been made to go in front of a judge I would not have been able to tell him that I wanted to give my son up for adoption.<br />
<br />
Not that this changes anything. <br />
<br />
Just makes me wonder though...Susiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.com0