Amanda has a post today titled "Does It Hurt You When I Call Her "Mom?"".
To be completely honest, yes.
It even hurt just to read the title of her post.
It's nothing against Christopher's mom. At all.
It's just that it hurts so much to have a son out there, but you are not the mom...
Even though your heart, soul, and every cell in your body knows that you are.
You aren't his mom...
Your son cried mommy in the night.
Someone else comforted him.
You son yelled out "what's for dinner mom?".
Someone else answered.
Another mom was there for all of it.
All of the big things and little.
All of the wonderfully fabulous things and the gross messy things.
Even though all I ever wanted to be when I was growing up was a mom.
I wasn't my first born son's mom.
More than you will ever know. (Unless you are also living this life...)
Even 33 years later.
I wish that I could live one day without the pain of the loss of my motherhood.
Just one day.