Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Using Love Against Us

I read a fabulous blog post today and wanted to leave a comment, but they are disabled.  I decided that I would post it here, in honor of Adoptee Rights.  Just as well turn the entire week into a demonstration!

Although this is written by a natural mother, she makes many great points about the way "love" is used to alter an adoptee's life.  From being "given up because your mother loved you so much" to "If you loved me you wouldn't need to search" and more.

Enjoy this post from "Adoption Lies, Adoption Victims"

I think the true face of evil is to use someone's love for another against them. And it is rampant in adoption.

First they use it on the birthmother. "If you really loved your son/daughter you would do what is best and give them to us".

In open adoption they say "You need to be absent and go away so that we can bond with the baby."

Then in reunion they say "If you loved me you wouldn't search, or love your natural parents." Or "if you loved your son/daughter you wouldn't interfere in their life because they are not ready or they have no need for you."

As time goes by I realize what evil truly is. It is not getting pregnant and raising your child without a father or support. It is not being sick with post partum depression. It is coveting something that does not belong to you. It is dividing and tearing families apart to create new ones for the privilaged. And to do this in the name of God is the most depraved of acts.

This Friday I will be honored for my good deeds that I have done for others. And it really got me thinking. I know what good is and what evil is. And I will not longer use "positive adoption language" to protect the evil and confuse the vulnerable.

There are certain instances when adoption is good but I think it is a rare situation. I think that for the most part infant adoption is done to traffic babies to those who can pay the fee while using a vulnerable mother's love for her child against her. And years later using the adopted person's love and loyalty against them if they try to belong to the family they were born to live in.

And the only people who profit from this are those who claim our children, make money off them and exploit the birthparents and adopted people. Have you ever noticed that most popular adoption forums are ripe with advertisements to buy a baby or to get "help" if you are pregnant? Have you noticed the same forums advertise to find your birth relatives for a fee? They are making money off of us coming and going.

And they count on us the "birthmothers" and "adoptees" to forever be divided. They count on us to have so much pain and anger that we will never come together in numbers and end what adoption is in the US. They have created the perfect money making, amoral institution and they call it "adoption".

Pitting birth mother against adopted person. The ones who are abandoned and the ones who abandoned. Counting on the loyalties of adopted people to their adopted parents to show that since they love their adopted parents they love adoption. Counting on the shame of those who "gave your own child away" to keep us silent. Crucifying those "angry adoptees" and "bitter birthmothers" who dare speak about the evil that is adoption.

And I want to say something that is rarely or is ever said to prospective adoptive parents. God did not intend for another woman to give her child to you so that you could have a family. Perhaps God intended you to be infertile so that you would not have a child. Or that your previous abortion or pelvic inflammatory disease left you infertile and you lost your chance to be a mother. No one ever tells you that because they want your money. They want you to buy a baby and put money in their pocket. But unless you know without a doubt that the child you are adopting truly needs you and you are the last resort then you are not in any way doing "God's work". It might be hard to hear but you need to hear it because in the end you will have to answer to him. And the praise you get in this life, the savior complex you enjoy now might not be there for you when you reach those pearly gates.


  1. Yep, yep, yep. I do have more compassion for the infertile. But they don't deserve another woman's child.

  2. "God did not intend for another woman to give her child to you so that you could have a family."

    My g-d dosen't work that way, I would have no respect for a g-d that did.

  3. God intends for you to be infertile so that you would not have a child?

    Wow and this is why you all deserve the pain you get. You are no different than the APs you despise.

    1. I believe what the author meant with this sentence was to prove how ridiculous it is when people say that God sent their child to them via adoption. If it's God's will that you adopt, then isn't it God's will that you are infertile so that you have to adopt?

    2. So what does the author believe themselves? Do they believe both are what God meant to happen?

      I understand their point but what do they truly believe themselves?