In believing the reasons that helped me make the choice to give my son up for adoption, I didn't realize that I was also taking on some pretty big beliefs about myself as a person. Beliefs that didn't stay related just to my decision for adoption. I took them onto my entire self, my entire being.
It has taken me more than two years to shed some of the lies I had told myself for decades. To shed some of the lies that I allowed others to put onto me. Lies that I took fully onto myself, so much so that they became Truth. Truths that were so deeply believed I still find myself beginning to put them back on, like an old comfy sweatshirt.
Society told me I wasn't good enough to be a mother. I believed I wasn't good enough. I often heard that I was stupid as I was growing up ~ becoming pregnant at 15 proved to me that it was true. Society told me I was sinful for having sex outside of marriage. Society told me I wasn't worthy to be a mother, while prospective adoptive parents were wonderful, capable, married couples who were more than ready to be parents. I wasn't married, old enough, rich, or ready enough... I simply wasn't enough.
These last couple of years spent trying to find myself again have let me realize that I was and am good enough, smart enough. I am worthy of everything I have denied myself for years. I. am. enough.
Take a day to heal from the lies you've told yourself and the ones that have been told to you.
It has taken my much more than a day. It has taken more than two years. I'm not sure that the lies will ever be completely gone. When a young woman is made to feel unworthy in order for the adoption industry to procure another child, it doesn't just ensure a choice for adoption ~ it effects her entire life. But mothers aren't told that when they are considering adoption. That's just one of the things that mothers find out after it's too late...