Saturday, May 7, 2011

Birthmother's Day... Is Nothing to Celebrate

Today I will not be celebrating "Birthmother's Day".  I have never celebrated the fact that I am a birthmother.  (I also don't care for that title, but that's an entire post in itself.)

I have been working on this post for days.  I have written and re-written and erased more paragraphs than I can remember. 

Instead I'm just going to link to others who have written what I want to say, but can't find the words.

Cassie again speaks the words of my heart and soul when it comes to adoption loss.  If you haven't already read her post "Here We Go Again", you should go read it.  Be sure to read the comments too, they are as important as the post.  They are proof of the deep seated lies in societies beliefs about adoption.  They are proof that the adoption industry has been successful in their multi-million dollar research on how to turn a tragedy (a mother and child, a family, being separated) into something that is viewed as a "loving" action.

Lorraine has two posts about this.  The comments on the first post lead to the second post

Amanda writes about Birthmother's Day from an adoptees perspective.

My favorite post declares "Screw Birthmother's Day!".  And Claud is doing that in high style ~ with all three of her children being together for the day. 

I should leave this post on the high note of Claud's post.  However, this last link shows the true pain of adoption loss and the belief by many that because a mother has given a child up for adoption she is no longer a mother.  The adoption industry and this so-called day of celebration kills the heart and soul of many mothers.  Those who believe that it takes more than biology to make a mother are responsible for this young woman's heartache.  My heart breaks for Candace.  I pray that she will one day be able to say that even though she is not parenting her beloved son, she is still one of his mothers.  She is his first mother.  Without her, he would not be. 

To everyone living without a child because of adoption ~
You are a part of your child
Your child is a part of you
Your child is OF you
Happy Mother's Day


  1. I'm sorry that you won't be celebrating. I understand why. From one possible perspective though, you created a life. It may not be the way you intended, the circumstances and realities may be painful. but that life is all potential and it exists because of you. Maybe your child will make someone unbelievably happy; or make a breakthrough for all mankind. There is no mediocrity in human life as long as love is in the playing field. I think it's something to celebrate. I hope you can see it like that too. May you heal from your pain.
    I support the concept of adoption, but not necessarily the way it is implemented. I definitely support the idea of helping mothers more, and only resorting to adoption if they truly decline to mother their child (it happens). A child loves his/her mother first, by instinct, and he/she is happiest with their real mother. Again, I pray that you heal from your pain.

  2. Damerval,

    ***I think it's something to celebrate. I hope you can see it like that too.***

    But why must it be on a separate day from when all mothers celebrate? There is absolutely no reason to separate a mother from Mother's Day and relegate her to a separate day. One day, all mothers, period!


    The poem at the end was absolutely beautiful! I wish you the very best of Mother's Day, tomorrow . . . Sunday! The day every mother deserves to be recognized.