Wednesday, March 28, 2012

"finding a young mother who is considering adoption"

If you are the person who found my blog by google-ing "finding a young mother who is considering adoption", I hope you stayed/will stay to read a little.  Look over on the right side of this blog, go down a little bit.  You will find my blog list.  When you are done here, go do some reading on those blogs also.  Learn about adoption from the other sides.  The ones who live with the loss of adoption ~ the mothers (and fathers) and the ones adopted. 

I don't know why you are looking for a young mom who is considering adoption.  Do you think that young mom = bad mom?  Do you think that you will be "saving" a baby?  Do you simply want to be a mom?  Infant adoption isn't all you think it is.  It isn't at all what it's supposed to be.

Adoption should be about providing a home for a baby/child who doesn't have a family to go home to.  The infants that are taken for adoption usually have mothers and fathers who actually do want to raise their children.  However, for one reason or five these parents have been made to feel that they aren't good enough.  They have been convinced that if they truly love this infant, they will want to offer a better life than they have. 

The parents-to-be may have gone to simply seek advice after they unexpectedly found themselves to be pregnant.  They didn't go in with the thought or expectation of giving the child up for adoption.  They were simply looking for advice, wanting to have someone to talk to about this life-changing event in their lives.  They were in need of help finding resources and services to help them with medical care, maybe for some parenting lessons and advice.

Unfortunately, most crisis pregnancy center and adoption agency employees, social workers, high school/college nurses and counselors, as well as many doctors and nurses are not trained to give parenting help or advice.  Most of them have instead gone through a program called "Infant Adoption Awareness Training".

This "training" was created with one goal ~ to increase the number of parents who will "choose" to give their newborn infants up for adoption.  This "training" is coercion at it's best.  If you do not believe that coercion still exists today, you are wrong.  Millions of dollars have been spent in research to "convince" mothers that adoption is the "right choice".   You can learn about this training yourself.  You can make your own decision as to if coercion is still used today.  Here is a great article on this training.  Don't skip the comments to this post, you can see more proof of the coercion that abounds.

If you think that by adopting an infant, you are saving one from abortion ~ you are wrong.  Most mothers who choose adoption never even considered abortion.  Abortion is the choice to not be pregnant.  Adoption is the choice to not be a parent.  The two have nothing to do with each other.

If you think that young moms are unable to be great mothers, you are wrong. 

If you believe that raising an adopted child is the same as raising one who was born to you, you are wrong.

If you think that I am a "bitter birthmom" who regrets her past, you are wrong.

If you think that adoption is only about the sunshine and rainbows, you are wrong.

I hope you are still reading.

Please go on to read some more here.

Please go read the post I talked about above: Adoption Truth: Coercion Not Choice, if you haven't already.

Please go to my blog list over there to the right and learn some more from other mothers of adoption loss, some adoptive mothers, and some adult adoptees.

You owe it not only to yourself ~ if you do go on to adopt you also owe it to your child and their other mother and father. 


  1. The vultures are out in full force. Beware any young, pregnant woman. Some older infertile who thinks she deserves her child more is stalking the internet for a young, vulnerable pregnant woman. So creepy...

  2. I was once a young naive birth mother who thought that placing my child for adoption was the right thing for my child at the time. Now, some twenty some years later... I have realized that my choice, as much as it was right under my circumstances and knowledge at the time, I had not realized the amount of hurt and pain comes with that decision. Back then, I did what was I though what was right for my child.... and for all I know it might have been right.

    It is a choice I made I cannot change... no matter how much I want it too... so I have to say to all the young women who consider adoption as an option.... you cannot ever change your mind... the effects of the adoption will be with you with you all your life. No matter what the facilitators tells you... they will lie to you... they will tell you that your child will always know about your love for your child, the reason you thought it was best for your child.. and yes you will think it is right at the time... but please remember once you said yes it is no turning back.

    For any potential adoptive parent... the birth mother might be willing to place her child with you now... but down the line, she will always wonder about HER child.. and have a special connection to the child.... her decision was not for your benefit... it was for the child.. she will often live with the little glimmer of hope that one day her child will want to seek her out but there will not be a day she will not wonder about her child. Remember your promises to to birth mother and keep them... never tell the child about a lie about the birth family... you will have been told lies about her by the facilitator... be open and honest... if you do not know the answer to their questions, do your best to help them to answer their questions.

    So before you considering adoption... truly learn about the effects... because there is one person you would not have considered and that is the one of the adult adoptee.

  3. **If you think that by adopting an infant, you are saving one from abortion ~ you are wrong. **

    Even the NCFA knows this. There is nothing in any of their training that has anything to do with abortion. It is all, 100%, about parenting and adoption without even a single word mentioned about abortion because they know, even if they don't admit it, that abortion and adoption are not related in ANY WAY!

  4. I love this!! I am a birthmom for the 90's and I was 15 years old. My child was adopted out but not by choice. I was not informed of my rights. I went to court and no one represented me. No one told me of my options. If someone is facing a year or more in jail they get an attorney given to them. But if a young girl or young boys parents drive them to court and force them to sign or you can't live here then there isn't anyone protecting the young parents of their rights.

    Do you really want someone's baby after it's been taken from her in this way?

    I am not totally anti adoption. But I just have a hard time believing an agency or attorney can provide unbiased information if they is dollars to be made or not to be made. I am sure there are a few good ones out there and the same for good adoptive parents who honor the birthparents in their lives for example an open adoption.

    Anyone who still thinks adoption is all rainbows and butterflies.. jump to my blog. It's not. I am reunited with my daughter but it's never the same. At times it stings when she talks or writes about her Mom.

    This predatory couple are involved in tons of online adoption communities and they stalk expectant mothers. The kicker??? They didn't pass their homestudy! She failed the psych exam and yet they're (primarily the woman) STILL preying on unsuspecting expectant mothers. They can't adopt so I'm not sure what shady thing they have up their sleeves

  6. Thank you for this post, Susie. If we can save even one woman from giving up her child, one person from ending up adopted, it's all worth it. I hope whoever posted will read on, and if she is indeed pregnant and considering adoption, will make the choice to keep her baby. Maybe if she does, she will thank you someday. XO

    1. That's why I continue to write Denise. I had nobody to tell me the truth of living with adoption. If I can help just one mom be fully informed when she is facing an unexpected pregnancy, then it's all worth it as you said!

  7. Thanks, Suzie. I wish i had your energy. I really appreciate you helping the women coming behind us.

  8. While the resources you mention might be into that kind of coercsion there are some great resources available. A good young mothers blog, like Young Urban Moms can be a great resource with a ton useful tips that only come with experience. I get great tips, advice, stories, and ideas from moms that are really easy to relate to and really funny. You should check them out.

  9. What is so wrong with adoption sometimes it is the best option and I understand that it is not right for everyone but telling people not to choose adoption is wrong.

    1. I don't tell people to not choose adoption. I tell people the TRUTH of the effects of adoption on their entire life. I tell moms that adoption should be a last resort. I tell moms that they are already moms, that choosing adoption doesn't make them not-a-mother. They will simply be mothers without their child. They will still have all the same problems/challenges/obstacles in their lives, adoption will only add a much deeper level to their life.

      Also ~ adoption loss has a great effect on the adopted also. I don't speak of that often because I don't live it, so I'm not qualified to speak of it.