The funk felt bigger than that though.
On facebook the other night, someone had posted a link to a site that calculates your probable conception date according to the date of birth. Since I was bored, I clicked on the link and was going to punch in my kids' birthdays, starting with the first one ~ Christopher's birthday.
Then I see. Huh... Does the body, the heart and soul remember?
It's probably exactly 37 years ago, give or take a day or five, that I became pregnant with my firstborn son lost to adoption.
The Birthday was: Tuesday, May 8, 1979
Conception Date: Tuesday, August 15, 1978
Implantation Dates: Between Monday, August 21, 1978 and Sunday, August 27, 1978
The persons birthday was on Tuesday, May 8, 1979 at 40 weeks, and conception would have been on or around Tuesday, August 15, 1978 with sex likely between Wednesday, August 9, 1978 and Tuesday, August 15, 1978
37 years sounds so long ago. So many things have changed in 37 years. Sadly, much has not changed.
Mothers are still being shamed into giving their children up for adoption.
No ~ not as as it was,
having no choice if you were unmarried.
But in different ways.
In more subtle ways.
And some not so subtle.
I wonder if I will ever see a day in my lifetime when motherhood is honored again?
When the mother and child bond is cherished as it should be?
When the trauma and loss of a mother losing a child and a child losing a mother are losses that are recognized for everyone ~ and not completely dismissed if adoption is a part of the story?