As I was reading the reviews for the book on Amazon, I found my breath taken away by one of them. One sentence in particular:
"...true story of a pregnant teen hiding in the house, frozen and blind to all possibility beyond invisibility, as a baby grew in the dark and a mother weds herself to shame"
"a mother weds herself to shame"
That so perfectly describes happened
The shame of the evidence of my lost virginity at only 15 years old. Not shame of the baby growing in the dark, it was shame of my sexuality.
The shame of my 15 year old self with visible proof that I really wasn't a "good girl".
Shame that society handed to me and that I so willingly put on myself
Shame that only reinforced the belief I already had that I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't worthy of the love that I craved.
Therefore, my child deserved so much more than I had to give him.
He deserved more than me.
I wish I could go back and talk to that 15 year old mother...