I really get nervous that somehow my son will find this blog.
I try to not write anything about his life, as it is not my place to tell his story, so that's not what I worry about. What I worry about is him taking any of my garbage onto himself. Or him thinking that I am in reality a "bitter birthmom" that he wants nothing to do with. I already think that a lot of what he says/doesn't say is just because he is really a nice guy & doesn't want to hurt me.
I am so much more than a first mom. This blog is just my place to vent about that part of my life. My place to try to come to terms with all of it. I started this blog to speak out my truth. To "cancel out" one of the happy-happy-birthmom blogs that I see more and more of out here in blog-land.
I just can't help but worry that if Christopher finds this blog, it will scare him away. Because the neurotic 15 year-old in me worries about that often.
I worry about that all the time... In fact, only recently have I made my blog less anonymous. I am very particular in my RL about who has the link (I can count the amount of people on one hand). I write MY truth, and that invariably mixes with other people's "truths". It's a slippery slope- but I try and write my posts in such a way in that if anyone were ever to find my blog, I could stand by every word I wrote.
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