It's almost like my brain is not allowing them to slow down, to be written.
Because then they would be real.
I would have to face them,
and I just can't.
I read the following on Campbell's blog today:
My parents, adoptive, are my first and only parents. My biological parents are just exactly that, the people that conceived me with my mother giving birth to me. They all have their importance, their value, their influence, but my parents are my parents, end of story. As much as I'm enjoying getting to know my bio mom now, she will never be a substitute for my first parents. How could she be.
And I felt the hole in my heart grow bigger. Then I read it again. And it's true. The Truth. The raw and ugly truth. I am not Christopher's parent, as I did not parent him. I know that, have always known that.
I am his mom. I love him no less than I love my other children.
Is that love returned? Am I simply just someone he is enjoying getting to know? Like a pen-pal with the added benefit of ancestry & medical information?
Just another wonderful thing about adoption that you are not told about.
Your love for your child will never go away. It will grow.
But it may never be returned...