In my opinion, prospective adoptive parents are also victims of the adoption industry. I think that most people who consider adopting are loving, caring people. I think that if they knew just how deeply being relinquished effects someone for their entire life, they wouldn't want to see that happen unless absolutely necessary. I think that if it was known how adoption loss truly effects the mother (as well as the rest of the natural family), they would look at adoption as less than the "loving option" it's sold to be.
I don't know. Maybe that's just a Pollyanna way of thinking?
I do know that Christopher's mom was not one of those who felt she deserved another mother's child simply because she was unable to have one. When we met last May, we talked for four hours. She was very open with her feelings, she shared many of her experiences as an adoptive mom. I think she was and is truly grateful every day of her life for the chance to be a mother ~ I don't think she looked at it as her right, she looked at her motherhood as a privilege. I would like to think that there are more adoptive moms like her than the ones who will stop at nothing to obtain an infant from a vulnerable mother facing an unexpected pregnancy.
I have great compassion for women who cannot conceive or carry a pregnancy to full term. I cannot begin to imagine the deep, crushing disappointment and sadness that must bring. I have a friend and a cousin who would be fabulous mothers but have not had that joy in their lives. I wish that nobody had to suffer from infertility, for any reason. I wish that there was a cure for all infertility.
This is where I think the adoption industry comes into play with prospective adoptive parents. They have to "sell" adoption to society as a whole, targeting even children so that when they grow up they view adoption as a parenting option. There are hundreds of adoption agency websites whose main purpose is to lure in those suffering from infertility problems. Google infertility and adoption ~ I just got 6,580,000 results!
The adoption industry sells adoption to women suffering with the heartbreak of infertility in their life. Just as they have spent millions learning how to convince a mother facing an unexpected pregnancy to give her child up for adoption, I'm sure they also invest in finding ways to "sell" adoption to those who are unable to give birth themselves.
I know of at least one prospective adoptive mom who was torn between what she wanted to do to help a mother in crisis and what the adoption counselor was telling her to do/say. I'm sure there are many more who are manipulated by adoption workers/counselors to go against their instincts. This mom is blogging about her experience, I hope that other prospective adoptive parents read her words and begin to realize the manipulation also.
The adoption industry is just that though. An industry. Looking to make a buck (or a billion...). And the only way adoption agencies make money is by finding people who want to adopt (demand) and are willing/able to pay a "fee" for the infants of mothers facing an unexpected pregnancy (supply).
I completely agree with what Adoptionvictims said here, except I would add "the prospective/adoptive parents" to "birthmothers" and "adoptees":
And they count on us the "birthmothers" and "adoptees" to forever be divided. They count on us to have so much pain and anger that we will never come together in numbers and end what adoption is in the US. They have created the perfect money making, amoral institution and they call it "adoption".