Monday, January 14, 2013

Pregnancy And/Or Adoption As A Punishment?

Another great post by Deanna Shrodes today.  If you haven't discovered Deanna yet, you need to go read some of her wonderful writings.  She blogs at Adoptee Restoration as well as at Lost Daughters.   In her own words, Deanna is an "Adult Adoptee. Compassionate. Helper. Pastor. Wife and Mother. Coffee Lover. Loudest Laugh in the Room. Friend You Haven't Met Yet".  I will highlight a few quotes from her latest post, but I do hope you will go visit her blog as well as Lost Daughters if you don't already read there either.  

Here is some of what Deanna wrote about unplanned pregnancies, from her viewpoint as an adoptee:

Our president, who is pro-choice, grieved me back in 2008. He made a statement about the importance of sex education, which I do agree is important.  As the speech went on he said, "I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby."

As an adoptee, and as a human being in general, I felt like I was punched in the gut.

"Punished with a baby."

The words stung.

I hate those words. I hate them, hate them, hate them.

Was I a punishment?

I certainly felt like one at times.

 I've spent many hours in a counseling chair because I felt like someone's punishment. Finally one day I had to realize whether I was expected or relinquished, whatever my beginning or the circumstances that surrounded my birth, my life was ordained by God

I am no one's punishment.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward." Psalm 127:3

Did you catch that?

Deanna goes on to write about the perception some people have that it is the unwed mothers who deserve punishment:

 She should have known better.
She made a mistake.
But now, she can make up for it, if she is willing to face the consequences.

She is encouraged that she can "make a new start" and "make all things work together for good", by giving the baby as a gift to a childless couple.

She is seen as atoning for her wrong (sex and pregnancy outside of wedlock) by giving the baby to a desperate and deserving couple.

What started out horribly wrong can now redeemed as she makes someone else's dreams come true and can move on with her own...after enduring the punishment. The anguish of saying goodbye to her child will be fact almost unbearable. But she is reminded - sin is costly. All along the way she is encouraged  that although she really messed up, she can bring good out of a bad situation by giving the ultimate gift to another. 

Lastly, I would like to share her words to fellow Christians.  These words speak to those who use Christianity to sell adoption:

Brothers and sisters in Christ, I appeal to you that we don't have the ability to atone for our own sins. The Bible says none of us are without sin. The young lady who conceives a child out of wedlock is no different from you or I who gossip, hold bitterness or are gluttons. There is only one way to salvation. It is not through an adoption agency. It is not through relinquishing nor adopting.  We are only saved by grace, through faith.  Only the work that Christ did on the cross can forgive our shortcomings. The Bible says that God has not appointed us unto wrath (punishment) but to receive salvation. He covered all of our sins, mistakes and failures on the cross. We can't work hard enough or make enough good choices to make up for all our wrongs. How dare we boast that anyone can redeem themselves by choosing adoption! What a slap in the face to the accomplished work of Christ. There is only one person who can give us a truly new start.  We are new creations through Christ, not through the world's adoption system. In and of ourselves, we do not cause all things to work together for good. There is only One who came to make all things right -- His name is Jesus Christ. A new start comes through Him, not by giving up a baby. We are only free because of what He did, not by what we can do. It is an abomination to a Holy God to attribute atonement, salvation,and  redemption to a worldly form of adoption. Being "adopted in Christ" (as all believers are) has absolutely nothing to do with being adopted in a worldly sense. Pressuring  a young lady to give up her baby so that she or the situation can be "redeemed" is not only terrible theology, it is cruel and inhumane.
Thank you Deanna for being brave enough to speak out the words of your heart regarding adoption!

Oh ~ and by the way ~ if we are ever lucky enough to be in the same room together Deanna, I think I might have you beat on the loudest laugh in the room!


  1. Thank you for posting this. When I was 19 I found out I was pregnant. My parents and I went to meet with our pastor and the first words out of his mouth were "I know a wonderful childless couple who would love to adopt your baby. Do you want me to call them? I can do it right now." He was not the last person to try to convince me I had to give my baby away or else I would have a horrible life. I did consider adoption for my baby. However, I heard God very clearly say. "You made a mistake....but I did not." I knew God gave me my baby and I was suppose to keep him. Thank God I had parents who stood by me and told me they 100% supported me keeping my baby. That was 6yrs ago. Now I am married to my son's father and we have had 2 more precious babies together. I will forever be thankful that God did not allow me to make the mistake of giving my child away. God has blessed me and my family like only He can. My son was not a punishment. He is a precious precious blessing from God.

  2. Oh Stacy ~ I am SO very glad that you heard the true voice of God! Thank you for sharing your story ~ it warms my heart.

    Wishing you a long lifetime of love and memories with your precious children!