I had a dream the other night that I can't get out of my mind. Usually I can't even remember my dreams, so it's kinda bothering me that this one won't leave me alone.
I am sitting in the living room of Christopher's parents in the midst of a large family gathering. Aunts, uncles, cousins, the whole works. There are children of all ages running around, having fun. Adults here and there visiting with each other. Christopher's father is nowhere in sight, mom is in another room changing her clothes. Don't know the reason for the clothes change but the "feeling" around it is that she is changing out of her church clothes into every-day clothes. I'm sitting on a couch, surrounded by laughing and playing kids while holding a baby. I think it's one of my grandbabies, but not really sure about that... Christopher is sitting clear across the large room seemingly not paying any attention to me although I catch him stealing glances my way now and then. He's not visiting with anyone, isn't social like everyone else there. He's just sitting there in the chair. Once in a while a family member and even Christopher's wife comes over to make small talk with me; although mostly it's the children keeping me company.
As I'm enjoying the kids, all of a sudden water covers the floor from an unknown source. I have the thought "oh no! Not again!" and in my dream I'm realizing that I have had this same thing happen in previous dreams and I can't believe that it has happened again. I am then in a panic to get the water cleaned up before Christopher's mom comes out of the bedroom to see the water all over. I feel responsible for this, even though I had nothing to do with the water spilling from wherever it came from. I'm almost in a panic at the thought of her discovering it there on the floor.
The end. I didn't wake up at this point, but I don't recall anything more. Did my dream end there, or do I just not remember more? No idea. Why did I make it my responsibility to get the floor cleaned up before his mom came out of her room? Why did nobody else seem to notice the water covering the floor? Did I get the floor cleaned up? Why won't the "feeling" of this dream leave me alone?
Weird.
I'm not the best at interpreting dreams, but I think the water represents your tears, or more accurately, your grief. You don't want to show your son's mother because you will be cut off from him if you do. The more grief you show, the more she encourages your son to stay away from you. True for a lot of first mothers, I've heard.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this has been done to you.
The first thing I thought of was water breaking, as in child birth. But Kellie's explanation makes more sense.
ReplyDeleteI agree, tears and grief.I also agree the more we show of each of these, the more we are shunned.
ReplyDeleteThe sentence that stood out the most to me was this "He's not visiting with anyone, isn't social like everyone else there."
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think that your subconscious is telling you that either Christopher does not fit in with his a-family or that he should never have become a member of the a-family in the first place. I think the water represents your tears and grief about this.
Nothing to offer other than a hug. I have these adoption based dreams several times a year. So lucid, so upsetting, they stay with me for days. I can offer only a hug and some empathy.
ReplyDeleteMy raised daughter had a dream that we adopted out her and my raised son to my sister to raise because (in the dream) I was pregnant again and I told her we couldn't afford her and my son anymore. She begged us to keep her but we wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteCrap, adoption haunts all of us in our sleep and awake.
Hugs to you having to deal with dreams like this.
Oh Barb!! How horrible! We would never have known that losing a child to adoption would effect the kids we went on to have afterwards, huh?
DeleteHugs right back at ya...