This month has been a tough one.
I started out the month thinking I would post every day for the Adoption BeAwareness Month. It was too draining to try to get the words out of my head every day.
A month of inescapable stories about the wonders of adoption. The stories that began to feel like stabs straight to the heart. Adoption ~ the loving option. Yeah. Loving. That's EXACTLY what has been brought into my life because of adoption. Adoption brought anything but love into my life. Loss of my son, grief, denial, self-doubt, self-hatred. Those are just a few of the things adoption brought into my life.
I have come to hate November. The fact that Thanksgiving is in the month makes it even worse. Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays. But thankful and adoption do not belong in the same sentence, much less month. Don't get me wrong, I am so very thankful for the blessings my son has had with his adoptive family, I am thankful we have been reunited. But there is nothing thankful about the fact that adoption is a part of my life