Friday, January 16, 2009
My life was forever changed.
I was excited and looking forward to the weekend ahead which included one last Christmas celebration with my family as my brother and his family were finally able to travel back home.
I looked forward to the weekend not only for this last Christmas celebration, but also because it signified the beginning of a new journey in my life. A vow I had made to myself. As the holidays rolled around that year, I had come to realize just how much my living in denial had been effecting my life. I decided that once the holidays were over I was going to begin to deal with the loss of my son to adoption and then try to search for him.
I was at work, counting down the last hour before I could leave and get a start on the weekend. At 4:50 I called it quits as far as doing actual work and decided to check my hotmail account to see if I had anything other than junk mail there. You see, I had opened that hotmail account strictly for getting my info "out there" on the www on a few adoption reunion websites. When I had first created the email account, I checked it every day. As the months and years drug along, I checked it less and less often. On that fateful January day four years ago, it had probably been 6 or 7 months since I had checked it. I FULLY expected to see nothing but junk mail there.
Imagine my surprise when first I saw an email dated January 5th from someone who said "Please contact me, I have a son who is looking for his birth family and it matches your posting. Thanks, Kim ###-###-####. He is very excited, please call."
The next email was dated January 9th and said "Your birth son is looking for you!!! I think we can start many ?'s with answers nearly 30 years later. Please feel free to email me directly at..."
I will never forget that feeling, the loss of breath, the beating of my heart, the fear, the elation, the caution I was putting on my heart immediately to not fully believe that I was the "right" mom found. So much was going on in my heart, mind, and soul in that moment. I'm surprised I was able to act normal and leave work without letting on what had just happened.
As soon as I left, I took out my cell phone to call Kim who I assumed was my son's adoptive mother. She answered with a cheerful "Hello" in a very strong southern accent. My first thought was "Where in the world did they send him???". After a confusing moment for both of us, she realized that I thought she was his mom ~ when in reality she was a search angel. To add to the "meant to be" part of our reunion, Kim only helps with searches in the two states she has lived in as she knows the laws/resources there well. When she saw one of the postings where Christopher was able to write a little about his search, she just got a strong feeling that she wanted "to help him find his momma" ~ even though his adoption had taken place in Iowa, where she had never searched before. The first place she went to see if she could find me was the reunion registry at adoption. com and there I was.
The rest, as they say, is history!
I am so very thankful that I can celebrate this day of having my son back in my life. It's so hard to believe that we are entering into our 5th year together. In some ways it seems like just a couple of years, in others it seems like much longer.
Each year has seen mile-stones in our lives.
2009 started with finding and getting to know each other through many, many emails, ending with a Christmas day phone call ~ the first time I ever heard his voice!
2010 we met face-to-face for the first time.
2011 Christopher arranged a surprise visit and my dream of having all my kids together came true.
2012 I was able to meet his mom and spent 4 wonderful hours hearing stories about Christopher's childhood and about his parents and extended family. I truly enjoyed getting to know this wonderful woman!
2013 ~ what do you have in store for us??
I dream of meeting his children, his beautiful wife.
I dream of seeing him in person again, it's been almost a year since
I have looked into his beautiful eyes.
I am blessed... so very, very blessed to have my son back in my life.