Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Adoption Awareness Month ~ What I Wasn't Aware Of

When I (thought I) was making the choice for adoption, there was a lot about adoption that I wasn't aware of.

I wasn't aware that losing my son to adoption would effect every single aspect of my life.

I wasn't aware that it wasn't really possible to "just get on with my life" like the adoption agency said I would.

I wasn't aware that the adoption industry KNEW that it wasn't possible, but kept that to themselves in order to ensure their supply of newborns would continue.

I wasn't aware that I was indeed my son's mother, that I did have the right to see and hold my baby after he was born.

I wasn't aware that the reason I wasn't allowed to hold him was to take away the possibility that I might just realize the depth of my love for him, the depth of the mother/child bond, and choose to parent him after all.

I wasn't aware that the adoption agency wasn't really concerned about my well-being.  They were only concerned about their own well-being.  They needed my baby in order to profit the "adoption fees" from his adoptive parents.

I wasn't aware that the children I would go on to raise later in life would be effected by the loss of their brother to adoption too.

I wasn't aware that after losing my son to adoption I would close off a part of my heart in order to not feel the extent of the pain.  I not only closed it to feeling the pain and grief ~ I closed it to fully feeling and accepting love also.

I wasn't aware that adoption could only provide my son with a different life, not a better one.

I wasn't aware that adopted people often deal with life-long feelings of abandonment.

I wasn't aware that adopted people often equate being loved with being left behind when they are told that they were given up for adoption because their moms "loved them so much".

I wasn't aware that my problems were temporary, while adoption was forever.

I wasn't aware that forever was so very long.

I wasn't aware that even after being reunited with my son, my heart would still be left with a gaping hole from adoption loss.

I wasn't aware that when I was giving my son up for adoption, I was also giving up grandchildren, as well as a beautiful and kind daughter-in-law.

I wasn't aware that there was so very, very much that I should have been aware of...



  1. Great post, Suzie. I hope the women who come behind us can learn from our great sorrow.

  2. Yes, like Barbara said, I hope Mothers who find themselves in the grips of a baby broker will somehow find their way to read the words of Mothers who have been through this. You were not aware, because no one told you. Why would they? They did not care about you, they cared only about the profit they made from your son. They didnt care about him, either.

  3. Great post....only wish I didn't know firsthand how true your words are.


  4. Wonderful post!

    So much us mothers didn't know, were never told and had to learn in the most painful of ways. If only the mothers thinking of adoption today could all be told these truths and realize just how true they are.

  5. I <3 your post. I wish my momma would think the same way, maybe then she would stay in my life and know that and why I need her.

  6. yes, adoptees speaking too