Finding Christopher, Finding Myself

Christopher is undergoing some pretty serious surgery next week.  As the day gets closer the more worried I find myself.

The more worried I find myself, the more the adoption loss hurts.

I am trying very hard to stay positive, to remember that this surgery is highly successful.  Christopher's life span will return to the normal rate again after surgery, without surgery his life span is greatly decreased.  No matter the statistics, just knowing that my son will be put on a heart-lung machine during surgery to remove part of his heart muscle is pretty scary stuff!


In my attempt to write every day in this Month of Adoption,  too much adoption crap is brought to the surface.  I thought it would be a help, concentrating on speaking out to the truths of adoption loss, about family preservation instead of Christopher's upcoming surgery.  Instead all it's doing is making me crazy. 

Last night I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't put together the energy to write anything.  So I didn't.  Why make things harder than they already are? 

So I am taking a break.  I will be back, you aren't getting rid of me forever.  My heart and brain just need a break until after Christopher's successful surgery and recovery. 

I would love and appreciate any prayers and positive/healing energy you want to send Christopher's way at the Mayo Clinic in MN next week.   I will let you all know how things are going.

Susie
here's some info about Christopher's disease:
Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM)
here's some info about the surgery he will be having:
Septal Myectomy