Monday, February 27, 2012

A Special Place In Hell For These Adopters

I am so very, very saddened today.  Broken hearted.  Pissed.  Disgusted.  There aren't even words to describe the range of feelings I have felt since hearing the news this morning.  Mostly I am absolutely saddened for a mother who was turned away from the funeral of her young daughter today.

I don't know all the details exactly, but here is a quick summary.

About 9 years ago a beautiful baby girl was given up for adoption.  Her mother chose an open adoption so that she would always be able to know how her daughter was doing, so that her daughter could always know her beginnings.  I'm not sure, but I think the adoption closed almost immediately.  She did receive a few updates and photos.  The brokenhearted mother was finally contacted years later with the horrible news that her daughter was sick, was she a match for a bone marrow transplant? Amazingly, this mom was pregnant at the time, close to her due date.  This mother paid for the storage of the cord blood, paid for the legal paperwork herself to try to save her oldest daughter.  When this mother tried to get an update on her health after the transplant, she was basically told it was none of her business.  The adoptor started stalking the natural mother on facebook and a forum for mothers where the mother had found support from other natural moms to help her through this traumatic time.  The adopters didn't like that the mother was telling people how she was being treated, so they sued claiming slander.  After reviewing everything, the judge ordered visitation rights for the natural mother, threw out the slander suit.  This mother finally had a chance to see her daughter for two hours after almost a decade of being denied what had been promised by the adopters.  Another visit was set up for a week later so that her oldest daughter could meet the sister who saved her life.  Two days before this visit, big sister was hit by a car and killed on her way to school. 

As tragic as that sudden death was, just days after she and her natural mother had finally been allowed to see each other, this story gets worse.

The adopters told this natural mother that she was not welcome at the funeral.  The natural mother could not be kept away.  When she arrived at the funeral this morning ~ with her baby girl, the "angel" that her older daughter was so excited to meet ~ she was escorted out of the funeral. 

I hope to God that there is a special place in hell for these people who broke a sacred promise to their child and her natural mother.  There has to be a special place in hell for someone who would turn a mother away from her own child's funeral.  What was she possibly going to do?  Take some of the attention away from the adopters?  Maybe cry and show more grief than the adopters?  Really ~ I would love to know what they thought would happen with this young mother and sister of their supposedly beloved adopted daughter attending the funeral. 

I didn't think that I would ever use the word adopter as I have here.  But the people who adopted this little girl, breaking the promise of open adoption, denying the mother answers of her health status, suing the mother, then denying the attendance at the funeral of this innocent little girl... they do not deserve the title of mother or father, adoptive mother or adoptive father.  They are evil, mean hearted people who will surely rot in a special hell all their own. 


  1. Unbelievable. Unconscionable. And I hope that this story of injustice and heartlessness is broadcast to the world.

    How's that for slander?

    I am awe struck.

  2. Oh Susie! I am so sick to read this! I don't interact there anymore (unless I am specifically asked to) but I have read her story as it has gone on and I cannot believe this is how she was treated.

    I hope they go to hell. I hope they will pay for what they have done to this mother and her child.

    There is no excuse for this. No reason that can ever be given to ever act in such a way. This is definitely adoption in its most darkest, cruelest way!

    1. And these type of people will again scoop another birthmom into the great concept of open adoption. They should be strung up and left hanging somewhere so they can not have another child.

  3. Wow...just, wow. This is entitlement like I've never seen. Greed, arrogance, and yes, pure evil. Send me a link via fb, Id love to read more about this.

  4. Incredibly mean-spirited - no words. My heart goes out to the mother.

  5. Would you please add a link, I would also like to read more.

  6. Oh Susie, what a deeply heartbreaking post :( I wish I could say this shocks me however sadly it does not. Merely adoption working its "magic".

    The poor mother, how heartbreaking for her... after all she did to save her child's life and they still couldn't have the grace to allow this mother to attend her own child's funeral. There really are not enough adjectives to describe the cruelty of these actions. No karma bad enough to mete out what they deserve. Sickening.

    Yeah, if there is more to the story I'd love to hear it or a way we can allow the mother to know we care... email me or let me know via fb. Much love to all involved with the mother and to her especially.

  7. Very sad story. but sadly it doesn't surprise me.

  8. This mom doesn't write her story for the public anymore, due to the ap's actions. I will let her know to come read your comments here.

  9. The pure arrogance of the adopters shines through here, their sense of entitlement with not the least bit of gratitude shown towards the woman that made them "parents". There is a special place in hell for them, and guess what, the child will not be there. She will be waiting for her natural mother, the mother who loved her through everything, in heaven.

  10. At this point, which is only 1 year in to my 'open' adoption......I am so so so so heartsick and sad to say that NOTHING that happens that is hurtul, bad or truly evil in the world of adoption phases me anymore. I have come across some of the most heartless individuals and seen things first hand that just make my mind spin. Unfortunately, it's becoming more and more apparent, that this industry needs complete and total reform. I am so so sorry for this kind soul who has offered to help one of the women I was able to 'reach' and help keep her baby. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family, and will be for quite some time to come. This, is one more story to add to the list (which is growing daily) of all the injustices in the adoption industry.

  11. "What was she possibly going to do? Take some of the attention away from the adopters?"

    That is exactly what it is about, having all the attention and parental glory all for themselves; when if not for her they would not have a child to covet.

    I can relate to what this mother has been through, 100%. I don't know how I could contain myself if I were her and I tried to attend MY own flesh and blood's funeral, only to be dehumanized and degraded.

    I said the exact same thing about my child's adopters, that I hope there is a special place in the hell of their god's making, just for them. They claim to be such good "Christians", yet treated me with nothing but malice and disdain after they stopped communicating with me when my child was only 7. They are nothing but hateful, cold-hearted hypocrites and I turned away from religion altogether after my experience. Unfortunately for my child, they have him so brainwashed it is disturbing.

    The hatred I feel for people who do this knows no bounds. My blood boils just reading this...

  12. Oh my goodness, that's awful. I wish I were shocked, but sadly I am not. I just can't understand such a complete lack of love. : (


  13. I will never understand the lack of compassion. I am speechless!!

  14. My heart breaks for this mother and the despicably cruel lack of compassion shown to her and her family. You're right, Susie, there is a special place in hell waiting just for them. Until then, I hope their life is filled with the same lack of compassion and cruelty they showed this mother.

  15. I wish them the same respect and kindness they showed me.

  16. Heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. I like Princess Aurora's momma wish and will show my daughter's adoptive parents the same respect and kindness they have shown me, my husband and my children.

    Too often we are shown evidence that many adoptive parents hate the natural family of their adopted children. They cannot view the child as anything but a possession, a blank slate in which they have written all their hopes, desires, and demands upon. They have dehumanized our children and many use religion as a sword and a shield to claim what they believe belongs to them.

  17. "Too often we are shown evidence that many adoptive parents hate the natural family of their adopted children. They cannot view the child as anything but a possession, a blank slate in which they have written all their hopes, desires, and demands upon. They have dehumanized our children and many use religion as a sword and a shield to claim what they believe belongs to them."

    If this statement isn't the truth, I don't know what is...